Funeral Expenses.......

Enjoy this joke. Don't let your wife see it.

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem .
While they were there, the wife suddenly passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land
for $150, or we can have her shipped back to your country for $5,000.
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped
back home. The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her
shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost you
$150 ?". The husband replied, "I know. Long ago, a man died here, was buried here.
But three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance !"

Why shout when angry?

A Buddha asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger?
Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because
we lose our calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the Buddha.

'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice?
Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the Buddha.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts distance a lot.

To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.
The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear
each other through that great distance.'

Then the Buddha asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love?
They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why?

Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'

The Buddha continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other
in their love.

Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all.

That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other.

You look younger with an older man....

Nobody likes to be old or to look older, especially for the ladies. If you are a woman who is at the late fifties, you might look pretty old to men who are forties and below. However when she is surrounded with the senior citizen males, she is a darling to all of them.

The other day while I was enjoying a party with little darling, we saw a lady who was sitting alone sipping her wine. She looks old to us. We were guessing her age, wondering whether she is in her early fifties or much older. Later there came another male guest whom I believe could be touching his late seventies. Out of lonesome, both the lady and the man sat together to introduce themselves. They chat and drank happily. I told little darling to look closer at her again. I forwarded this question.."Dear! Do you think this lady looks younger now?" Little darling was amazed with the rapid change in her. "Yes! Yes! She certainly looks much younger now".

Reason was quite simple because there was another much older gentleman to create the contrast personality in her. Moral of the story... A woman to pick a lover who has to be much much older than her. Otherwise as you grow older, you might look a mother to him.

Good advice - “Better have an old man to humor than a young rake to break your heart” -proverb quotes

How to love woman... For the man.

I was a lousy male lover when I was young. Today with much more understanding of life, I make a better lover to the woman I love most now. Yesterday I was writing 'How to love man' for the ladies to read and today I like to share with the men... 'How to love woman!'

All ladies like intelligent gentlemen who could share their knowledge and wisdom. If men who are smart enough to add humour and fun into their sharing, they might even capture the heart of those ladies who listen. An intelligent man without a sweet and pleasant mouth seldom attracts the females, but those who speak with compliments, appreciation and admiration are always the blue eyed boys for the ladies. Women feel secure when they are with men who are brave and are willing to walk the extra miles with them. You might not be the richest man in town but when you have a generous heart and a kind thought, most ladies could fall for you too. Don't forget to arm and develop a short gun for yourself because no wild pussy would be satisfied with a soft and weak little john. Be exciting and romantic to lead coz you are a man.

Believe me it works! Otherwise I won't be having so many dears, honeys, darlings and one sweetheart who all loves me so much.

Funny Quote - "A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man".

How to love man... for the ladies

A single lady friend was lonesome. Successful she is in her career but not many know she craves for someone to love her. Seeking my knowledge she wanted me to teach her how to love a man.

This was what I told the lady who is at her late forties. No man would like a bossy woman. The woman could be intelligence with her friends but she has to be smart to play dumb when she is with her man. To stand out in the open, is good for any woman to be attractive, creative, knowledgeable or even enterprising but never show your authority and prowess with the man you love. All women have the feminine charm, tenderness, sexiness and most important of all is the hidden pussy, God given to them. Use your care and concern to capture the attention of him. Blow your smell of sweetness to brighten his eyes. Move your gorgeous physical from top to bottom to excite his thought. Apply your tender words and voice to stimulate his brain. Meow your pussy when the time is right. Act 'Stupid' as innocent to win his love. If only that lady friend could offer herself as what I had described, getting a man to fall in love with her is so easy. So sad! She behaves almost like a man.

For all the women - “You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her”

P.S. tomorrow title - How to love woman.. for the men.

Thought & Action.....

I might look a decent and honest gentleman but believe me, 'The Devil & The Angel' play trick in my mind at time.

For instance, there came a beautiful and sexy lady whom was impossible not to stare at. The Angel in me would say... "Hey Robert! Please admire her only from the outside and don't you darn to think further than this. Behave yourself coz you are a good man!" At the same time The Devil from nowhere came to counter the thought as..."Hey young man! She is an available girl who makes a perfect match for you. Try her lah! She could thrill you to the utmost. Make a move now and she is yours!"

Or another incident when I found a heavy wallet in the Club Gym. Inside the wallet, it contained a few thousand dollars plus many important documents. My Angel was kind enough to tell me that I should handover to the Club office this lost wallet and hopefully it would be returned to the rightful party. While walking towards the office, that silly Devil came and disturbed my mind again.. "Why lah! You found it and its yours now. That few thousands can buy you a lot of goodies and fun for yourself.".

Thanks God! By my strong belief, good faith and right teaching, my inner sub-conscious helps me to relate what is right and wrong. Though the 'Devil & Angel' are always there to debate my thought, I never fail to honour my respect for others and hold my dignity in honesty. Yes! I was staring at that sexy lady with some wild imagination but I took it as just fantasy admiration for her. As for the lost wallet's incident, it was returned to the rightful owner but I reminded myself never to allow that unwanted Devil to come into my mind again.

The moral of the story is... To control our physical action is easy but to control our thought is definitely harder. Action can be seen, whereas thoughts are hidden. I'm telling the truth of myself. What about you?

Food for thought - "Thinking good thoughts is not enough, doing good deeds is not enough, seeing others follow your good examples is enough" - Douglas Horton

Man with 39 wives.....

Mizoram, India (CNN) -- The world's population hits 7 billion this week, but Ziona, the patriarch of what may be the biggest family in the world, is not bothered.

"I don't care about overpopulation in India ... I believe God has chosen us to be like this (have big families). Those who are born into this family don't want to leave this tradition so we just keep growing and growing," he says with a smile.

Ziona, who only goes by his first name, has 39 wives, 86 children and 35 grandchildren.
.........................................

Is 160 enough? Not Ziona, the one man of the world with 39 wives. Even with one wife at home, most men find it difficult to manage. I wonder how Ziona could!!!

Rita Rudner quoted - "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life" (Not for Ziona. He needs 39)