Sunday, December 09, 2012

AIDS - PAKISTAN ?


Sunday laugh...

A Pakistani resident in the US phoned his burqa clad Mom in Pakistan.
Khan: "Ammi, I have a big problem; I got AIDS. What shall I do? Will I come back home, to our native village?
Mom: Son, don't do that; don't come here!
Khan: Why Ammi?
Mom: If you come here, your darling wife will catch AIDS. And from your wife, it'll spread to your brother,
And from your brother to the maid,
And from the maid to your Dad,
From Dad to my sister (your aunt),
And from your aunt to her hubby,
And from her hubby to ME,
And from me to our chauffeur,
And from the chauffeur to your sis,
And if your sis catches AIDS, the whole damn village will catch AIDS!

It won't be very long before village after village, and then whole country goes down with aids!

For the sake of the Kaid-e-Azam, you HAVE GOT to save Pakistan!

Do not come back, my beloved son!!!

Friday, December 07, 2012

Farting..............



I really enjoyed reading this....
FARTING
(Taken from the Alpha magazine, from Sophie P. 12 year old girl, New
Zealand.)

Today I am going to talk about FARTS. Some people think farts are rude and
some people, like me, think farts are funny.

Farting is a fact of life. Everybody farts, Kings, Cinema stars, little children,
Saints and sinners. We will fart until the day we die.

Do you know why we fart?

Winds or farts, whatever you like to call them, are the production of the mixture of
gasses in the digestive tract. They are by-products of the digestive process. The
average person farts 14 times a day.

Farts are made up of the following: Nitrogen, the main ingredient making up 59 per
cent, next behind is Hydrogen 21 per cent, 9 per cent Carbon Dioxide, 7 per cent
Oxygen, and 1 per cent other stuff. But listen to this – hydrogen sulphide is the
compound that makes them stink!

Here are some top farters:
Camels
Sheep
Cows
Elephants
Humans (vegetarian)

If you are going to fart, do not sit next to flames, because farts are very flammable.
Please do not panic if you find yourself trapped in a small space as it is impossible to
suffocate in your own product.

Anyway, next time you fart, don’t think it is rude. Just know that everybody, including
bottles of soft drinks, has to fart.

And now, why put this story in our bulletin? Because it was there, in this respectable
magazine called Alpha, next to a passage explaining the words of Jesus about
“spitting out the gnat and swallowing the camel”.

The story reminds us that we are all human beings, all equal in a way because we are
all made of the same clay.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

When parents give their money away too early ... !!!



A MUST READ FOR SENIORS...........

At their 54th anniversary, my friends made a decision to distribute their combined assets among their living heirs. Their rationale, Para walang gulo. (To avoid trouble). They added one proviso: While still alive, income from these properties will be used to maintain our present lifestyle inclusive of medical expenses, extravagant trips and unlimited shopping.

That's easy, replied the heirs. The income was substantial to indulge the old folks with a bonus that the heirs can use in any manner they wanted.

The first year passed without a hitch, but soon the problem surfaced. Each child used all kinds of tactics to keep the money from his parents. It reached a point where the poor retirees had to beg for sustenance, robbing them of the dignity they worked hard to uphold.

What went wrong?

Bad decision, said a cautious friend who warned the couple of this scenario. Children are so unreliable when it comes to inherited money. Money received, which was not expected and not a direct result of something they worked for, is not given the same value as money earned with their own sweat and tears. They lose their sense of propriety; gratitude is tainted
by greed and  decency gone. This is compounded by in-laws who can tilt or convince their respective spouses to throw out good sense and filial affection like soiled rugs, Honey, they're going to die anyway, so why waste good money on them?

To avoid falling into this vulnerable, pitiful state, keep these 10 tips in mind:
1. Do not retire. If you're over-aged, retire and get all the benefits but find another income-generating job or open a business that will keep you active physically and mentally. Travel and bond with true friends, play a sport, learn a new hobby and volunteer in your community or parish. Don't loaf around. Your spouse will hate you because you've become a sloppy, listless bum with nothing good to say about the household and things that you never bothered about before. Solve crossword puzzles, play Scrabble, write your memoirs, and above all, read ...this will keep you alert and keep Alzheimer at bay.

2. Live in your own place to enjoy independence, privacy and a solo life. If you move in with your children, your rank or degree of importance is reduced to that of a bed spacer who has no place of honor or, worse, like crumbling furniture merely displayed with no added value. Might you kowtow to conform to their own rules that are not kind, considerate or mindful of
you? If you witness your children engaged in a war of will and wits with your grandchildren, whom will you side with? Will they even appreciate your arbitration? Remind your children that silence is not a sign of weakness; you are merely processing data that is taking longer to complete.

3. Hold on to your nest egg, bank deposits and assets. If you want to help your children, do give, but not to the extent that you wipe out your life's earnings, singing heroically not a shirt on my back nor a penny to my name. Staying solvent and in the black is a good hedge against all kinds of tempests. You will sleep better, you will not be afraid to express your opinion and you will be confident about yourself.

4. Don't believe your children's promise to care for you when you grow old. Priorities change. Many children are not guilt-ridden or filled with a sense of moral obligation when the wife and offspring take top billing in their lives. There are still children who would consider it a privilege to show compassion, genuine love and deep concern for their parents but be warned that not all children think alike.

5. Expand your circle of friends to include young ones who will definitely outlive your old BFFs. Keep up with new inventions, trends, music and lifestyle including all the scams and schemes you should guard against. Remember that when you mix with the young, you also open a fresh avenue to channel your thoughts, experiences and values through so that the lessons you learned are not lost, forgotten or buried with you.

6. Be well groomed and smelling fresh of spring water all the time. There's nothing more depressing than seeing people exhale when you walk by because you reek of baul (camphor chest) or lupa (dirt). Old age or bust, don't look and smell like a corpse when you're not one yet.

7. Do not meddle in the life of your children. If they ask for your counsel, give it, but be ready to accept that they may not take it. Their situations in life cannot be compared to the situations that you experienced in your life. The playing field has changed and they need to develop their own set of survival skills. If you raised them to be street smart, they can handle themselves in tough situations and be able to read people. Champion and encourage their dreams and desires but on their own terms.

8. Do not use old age as your shield and justification for turning grumpy. There's nothing more annoying than an arrogant, old fool. Welcome each day as another chance to be kind and forgiving, to yourself and to others.

9. Listen to what others may say. Do not throw your weight around just because you are a septuagenarian or a nonagenarian. You are not a depository of knowledge. Even if the roles have been reversed, make growing old a fun-filled, pleasant experience for you and your brood.

10. Pray always and focus on your eternal life. You will definitely leave everything behind, a final journey detached from burden and care. Be more accepting that, sooner, not later, you will  croak. Prepare your swan song with a humble and contrite heart. If you believe in a merciful and loving God, there is no need to strut like a star. Nobody is.

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

We have the wild and gentle in ourselves....



Sex Quotes...

Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun, or getting paid, everyone likes getting laid.

Lovable, cuddable, sex able, flexible, I'm just so damn incredible

Is sex dirty? Only if its done right.

Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.


C'mon abuse me more, I like it!

Come on, say it again. I'm a perfect devil. Tell me how bad I am. It makes me feel so good!

Love. Words can express it good, feelings can express it better. Hard pounding motions express it best.


Sex relieves tension - love causes it.
...............................................................

Sorry! Does any of these quotes disturbed you? If you happened to read them in the day, you might be annoyed but if is late night now you might be thrilled over them.

The world comes in the form of good and bad. You could be a gentleman or a lady who speaks with politeness all the time but without the presence of the outside world, both gentleman and lady could be the wildest creatures in a stormy night together. Gentle outside but wild inside! I believe all of us have this instinct... Good and the Bad.



Tuesday, December 04, 2012


Well spoken! And I have to do it everyday just like what Dalai Lama said. 

I have been collecting birthday of my friends for more than 40 years and I never failed to greet them each and every year. Almost everyday on my personal calender, I have friends celebrating their birthday. Today is Chen Jiun Bao's birthday. He was my classmate when we were in form 4 and 5. I can say it's more than 48 years of friendship now. Though we don't meet so often, I make it a point to reach up to him on his great day... Today!

The early morning before Jiun Bao got up, I quickly sent him a message... "You are like a super bike, the older it be the rusty it shall be but once polish and fine tuning, the engine shines and roars with speed. Happy Birthday to this admirable friend Jiun Bao."

Later when he got up, my wishes was the first he saw. He replied, "Thank you very much. You are always a very good friend of mine."

Not satisfied with his mood, I sent another text to him... "A good day to date your darling wife for a candle light dinner strictly for only both you. Remember to kiss and hug her dearly. Then send the bills to me. What is friend for. Good luck."


He was speechless. And I knew he was so happy for I'm the only classmate who could still remember his 65 years' young birthday. I learned from the great Master Dalai Lama, and I practised what I had learned.

Monday, December 03, 2012

The old & the young......


Can the old mixes with the young? Or can the young mixes with the old? It's debatable but generally I think its difficulty for these both young and older generation to meet and talk freely together. 

My experiences... When I was in the forties, I saw those older club members who were in the late fifties or sixties were the most unfriendly class. Though they might had gained some financial standing and statues at that age, they were prideful and unapproachable to the younger groups. Their look was stern and serious, creating a fear for the younger people to meet up with them. Inside the gym room if ever they bother to visit then, they looked weak and lifeless to me. I was never impressed upon by them and I knew one day I would be at their age. Deep down in my heart, I told myself then I would avoid at all cost not to be like them. Not to be old, unhealthy, weak, unfriendly, unapproachable, selfish, prideful and unpopular. 

Twenty years had passed by. If you ever got the chance to visit my club house in KL today, let me entertain you at our place and see to believe the different. I'm the oldest senior member, especially inside the gym but the youngest in heart and the most playful one who always create fun and laughter for the young and the old here. Each time I walked into the gym to exercise, all members would be happy to see me. They knew I would never fail to make things exciting for them. Yes! I had proven myself that I wish not to be like those old unfriendly members of the yesteryear. The only way to befriend the younger people is to low down our esteem. Speak to them at their level, speak to their tune and language. Don't wait for them but rather I have to approach and rub shoulder with these younger gentlemen. Once we could communicate and interact together, friendship and relationship could be built easily.

Tell you what. The secret of keeping young is to have a lot of younger people around as friends. Try please! 

I like this quote - "One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless" ~ Liz Smith

Sunday, December 02, 2012

The Confession ......


Sunday laugh.....
Got to love those Italians


An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Milan , went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the Confessional, The man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'

The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'

 'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual  
 favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sunday.'      


The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'



'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'

'And what is that?' asked the priest.

'Should I tell her the war is over?'