Friday, April 30, 2010

Me & My Father.


To my three sons and all children of this planet to read..............

When I was 4 Yrs Old : My father is THE BEST
..........
When I was 6 Yrs Old : My father seems to know everyone
.........
When I was 10 Yrs Old : My father is excellent but he is short tempered
.........
When I was 12 Yrs Old : My father was nice when I was little
..........
When I was 14 Yrs Old : My father started being too sensitive
..........
When I was 16 Yrs Old : My father can't keep up with modern time
...........
When I was 18 Yrs Old : My father is getting less tolerant as the days pass by
...........
When I was 20 Yrs Old : It is too hard to forgive my father, how could my Mum stand him all these years
............
When I was 25 Yrs Old : My father seems to be objecting to everything I do
............ ..
When I was 30 Yrs Old: It's very difficult to be in agreement with my father, I wonder if my Grandfather was troubled by my father when he was a youth
............ ....
When I was 40 Yrs Old: My father brought me up with a lot of discipline, I must do the same
............ .....
When I was 45 Yrs Old: I am puzzled, how did my father manage to raise all of us
............ ...
When I was 50 Yrs Old : It's rather difficult to control my kids, how much did my father suffer for the sake of upbringing and protecting us
............ .
When I was 55 Yrs Old: My father was far looking and had wide plans for us, he was gentle and outstanding. .
............ .
When I became 60 Yrs Old: My father is THE BEST
...........
Note that it took 56 Yrs to complete the cycle and return to the starting point 'My father is THE BEST '
............ . .
Let's be good to our parents before it's too late and pray to God that our own children will treat us even better than the way we treated our parents.

Specially to all fathers - "There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus" - Author Unknown

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Bathtub Test.


Lets see how sharp are you?

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

Do you know - "Children have very sharp powers of observation - probably sharper than adults - yet at the same time their emotional reactions are murky and much more primitive" - Donna Tartt.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dad! Why mum is smarter?



A little boy asked his father. Dad, why is mum smarter than you? She gets up earlier than you, makes breakfast for us everyday, sends me to school before she goes to work, goes to the supermarket to buy our food if necessary, prepares our yummy dinner before you return dad, she has to serve you coffee while you watch the late nite TV, and she is always the last to sleep.

The father was caught with such surprised question from his son. He had to answer to the awaiting child. Yes son! Mum is smart. Dad had been intelligence enough to pick your smart mother to marry me. Otherwise she won't be here to love and care for you and making life comfortable for both of us now. Son! If you grow up, make sure you have to be as intelligence as dad to pick and marry a smart wife like your mother. Then your future would be wonderful and joyful as ever. The son nodded his head to show he understood.

This incidence happened while we were in a client's home. I was amazed the little child could feel the important of his mum, and the dad was clever to respond to the inquisitive son. To my reader who is reading this story now...Who is smart and who is intelligent? The child, mother or the father? You have to tell us please!!!

To those great mothers out there - "A boy's best friend is his mother" - Joseph Stefano.

"A little girl, asked where her home was, replied, "where mother is" - Keith L. Brooks

"A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest" - Irish Proverb.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I am being screwed.

Can't resist not to share a screwing episode...


A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!! !'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers. The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'

which begins to draw a even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'

In a huff, the woman says,
'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

Now stop laughing before you are being screwed for not doing your work today.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Man is intelligent but woman is smarter


My recent title, "Are you earning less than your wife?' captured interest over with some of my clients. They asked further questions; Should men be more intelligence and smarter than their women? Or women be more beautiful than their men?

In my personal opinion, all these are facts of life that touches our way of living. Just imagine, if a woman doesn't need to be employed outside as the husband is prepared to work hard and be responsible to take care of his family, everybody would be admiring the wife as a lucky lady. However if the woman has to earn to keep her family going, when the husband is staying back home doing nothing, the whole world would look down upon the man. Is a glamour and nice to be addressed as housewife or a homemaker. No male be called as houseman. Right?

If your boyfriend is intelligent and smart, you definitely would feel good and proud of him. On the other hand, if the girl is more intelligence and smarter than the boy, she might out shine the poor lover. After all, male has to be stronger in every way to take care and protect the females. So if the man is weaker in mind and spirit, he might not be able to provide the sense of security to his love.

Asked my friends, if man is always at upper hand over woman, then ladies might not have anything to show and demonstrate. No my friends! One important factor or quality of woman is.. They have to be more prettier and more beautiful than us. Meaning; a beautiful wife or girlfriend gives value to her man. He might not be handsome but if he has an attractive lady besides, all eyes and admiration would be on them. Their gossip could be..What a lucky man he is!!

Advices to the gentleman. Look isn't important but your intelligence and ability to earn well is.

Tips to the ladies. Don't outsmart your men, even though you are intelligent. Don't pick a man who is more beautiful than you coz he would outshine you. Bring out your external beauty of the face and the inner beauty of your heart which will be your drawing points.

Food for thought - "The true beauty of a woman is her inherent ability to make better a man in every way.” - Don Williams, Jr quote

Sunday, April 25, 2010

JUST A TAP ON THE SHOULDER.


Another laugh before you go back to work tomorrow...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently Tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up Over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the still shaking Driver said, 'Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out Of me.'

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't Realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my Fault Today is my very first day driving a cab . . . . . . . . .. ... I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.

Food for thought - "Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end." ~Max Eastman.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Black Condom.


If you don't laugh, you must be nut!!!

A 'just married' White couple decided to make love on their wedding night in the hotel.

The wife did not want to get pregnant yet and requested the husband to buy condoms from the shop nearby.

When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off.

The husband had a hard time finding a shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin.

He asks the shop owner to sell him one condom and the shop owner asked him which quality he wanted.

'The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each.' So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents.

While the husband was out, a Black thief came into the room.The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabbed the thief and happily started screwing.

The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately. When the husband reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping.

Without a warning, he jumped onto her and started screwing her vigorously. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic and she thoroughly enjoyed the session.

Nine months later, the wife gave birth to a Black baby boy. When the boy grew up, he asked the father. 'Papa, why am I Black and you are White?'

The father shouted 'You are damn lucky, 5 cents more and you would have been PURPLE!.

Hahahaha ...

Would you agree - “Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom”

Friday, April 23, 2010

Are you earning less than your wife?


When a man earns lesser than his woman, its not good for the couple. In the course of my work, i had seen countless unhappy men who are victimised by their mates. Man should be responsible to the family but when he earns so little, expecting the wife to shoulder the finance at home, he has to be controlled and be dictated by the lady of the house then.

As women love so much of life, and yet her man could not pay for her needs and wants, she might as well do without man. The fact is, as man needs so badly for woman, and could not satisfy her financial requirement, definitely affects his pride and self esteem. Unless the man is much softer than her, there bound to have conflicts and quarrels at home.

Man by nature leads and woman by creation to follow and be obedience. This could only be possible if the man is capable to provide and support. I am so sad because males are getting weaker and females are growing smarter and stronger. Look around you, most professional ladies of today are successful and wealthier than the not so aggressive males. Is high time man has to be awaken. Otherwise, we won't be able to stand tall when we walk with our ladies.

Food for thought - “The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others.” - Don Shula quotes

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I keep the old vases.


I received a sms message this morning from our company RDM, saying that we could still use our old proposal forms till end of the month. Lately our company had made many new changes and adjustments, and each changes cost million to print the necessary. At the same time wasting million in values and stocks, i wonder whether the people who work in the management could feel the pitch of these losses. Perhaps not because after all is not their money!

After reading his auto messaging, i wrote him with a joke in mind. I said, "Yah lor! I never throw old things. I always keep the old vases, immaterial of how worn out they are. I cherish all my old girlfriends and i also like new ladies. Tat is the way, life has to be. So Sad for Pru... who only go for new stuffs and chuck the unwanted."

I believe this intelligent RDM understood my message. Companies need younger blood to bring in new businesses. They admire and appreciate those who could perform, but the days come when one is under perform, you loose all your respect and dignity. In the selling world, a new knife is sharper that cut faster than an old one, whereas in life, an older mind has more wisdom than a young one. If only companies know how to tap the sources of wisdom and experiences from the older agents, younger agents would be deprived of a chance to learn faster and smarter. Unless those top guys up there truly have the wisdom of life, things won't change much for sure. It was a humourous message though but it speaks the facts of life.

Food for thought - "The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions" -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Happiness.


"It is the art of living, the purpose of our Existence. Happiness is the true index of quality Of life. Without happiness, life is dry and Meaningless. With happiness, life immediately Becomes fulfilling and wonderful. Happiness is An infectious feeling that immediately lifts the Sagging spirits of people. Happy people keep Themselves happy because they know the little Ways to appreciate themselves and to see the Humour and magic in each moment." ~unknown~


I am happy to blog willingly everyday, to share and amuse all my readers. Of course i will be even more happier, if someone out there who could spare some thought and time to offer a sincere comment and compliment to spur and inspire me. Unless you know the real meaning of Happiness, you won't be bothered to pen a few words for me. The above powerful proverb speaks it all.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

They are smart and i have wisdom.


A rookie agent of 23 years young met me while waiting for our office lift. Quickly he asked how he could improve to see more people in our business in selling life insurance. This was what i told him, there is no short cut in anything we do. At your age, you bound to face mistakes and rejections. If you could tolerant and withstand all these problems, success is a matter of time. Cold calls are the best way to prospect for more people to see.

On the way to pick my car at the basement, I saw another new agent who was smartly dressed. On his right shoulder he carried the bag with his laptop and his left hand was holding some working files. Though i didn't know him, he greeted me with a broad smile. While walking together with him, i could recall my younger days when i first started this career. I was just like him who is in his early thirties, young and full of energy, willing to conquer the market. The only different is, the old days we don't carry laptop because IT hadn't arrived yet. Instead of laptop, i had a portable typewriter kept in my car. If i needed to work on a quotation or to propose a plan for a prospect, i had to calculate manually and used the typewriter to complete the plan. I still remembered that i had to park beneath the trees and typed my work inside the car. Today agents need not think because they have the computers to work for them. Whereas i was trained to use my brain, and i know exactly how premiums and benefits are calculated. Before i reached my car, i told this new agent, you have a magnificent personality and i have a wisdom mind. Both these qualities are equally important in pursuing our challenging career.

I wish both these two colleagues of mine, best of luck in all their endeavours in selling life insurance. Specially for them - “Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom, in the pursuit of truth as in the endeavour after a worthy manner of life.” - Bertrand Russell quotes

Monday, April 19, 2010

Life insurance in action.


Smith is 54 and still a bachelor. Recently he was admitted for a mild heart attack and is currently on treatment in the hospital. While he was in the ICU, the first person he thought of was his life insurance agent who is me. I have known Smith for more than 30 years, and i know he always carried my special Emergency Name card in his wallet. On this card is written; IN CASE OF EMERGENCY please contact these three persons. The first is my name, my partner and our secretary name. Our phone numbers are listed on it.

I received the emergency call from the hospital, when Smith gave our name card to the attending nurses. Upon receiving this call, i immediately rushed to the ICU where Smith was resting himself. I spent one hour with him, assuring him that his medical insurance is in order, assuring him that all medical charges would be bore by us, confirming that his will is in good hand, and i would be there for him at all time. Smith has no sibling, and the closes person is his mother who is already 80 of age. I knew Smith would be worried if something bad happened now. Besides offering my assurance, i gave him all the encouragement to stay calm, relax and most important to be brave.

Smith invited me to speak personally with his attending cardiologist who briefed me on Smith's medical situation. My friend allowed me to decide the best recommended medical options for him. He thinks i am knowledgeable and capable, and he has the fullest trust and confidence on me. Yes! I am honour to have this right but equally he has added extra pressure into my work now. After listening and understanding his doctor's presentation, we advised Smith to continue his special medication first before deciding to his needed heart operation. While on medication, Smith has to promise us that he has to change his lifestyle as well. He has to keep to his recommended strict diet plus some light exercises. No smoking and no drinking!

Smith would be discharging today after staying in the hospital for more than 2 weeks. I am glad he is willing to change and willing to accept my decision. I have treated him more than just a client and he has accepted me more than an agent. Selling life insurance is not just selling our products we built friendship and understanding. Anyway this could not have happened if i am not a life insurance agent.

The other side of my Special Emergency Name Card is written - "I must help people without people asking." A short phrase which i had gathered from another good friend, Kabeer who had taught me Wisdom of Life.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Wife & Husband.


Have a nice laugh!

This is the best and most civil way to have a fight between husband and wife instead of resorting to physical force...Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.

WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star.
You should know what you are.
And once you know what you are Mental hospital is not so far.

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful.
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue.
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too.
Not in cage but laughing at you.

...for in the end, the wife will always have her last say.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Traffic Camera.


A man was driving through town, when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.

He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

You can't fix stupid.

Food for thought -"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in raising everytime we fall." ~ Confucius ~

Friday, April 16, 2010

I have three wives.


Over a birthday party i met Mustaffah who shared his interesting life with us. He is forty eight, married with three wives and has 12 children, enough to make a team of football players. A successful car salesman who manages his family well.

I was the naughty one who asked him, how he could live happily with three wives at the same time without conflicts and quarrels. In Bahasa he told us his secret...Sayang ta' cukup, Sayang dengan Jaga, baru dapat Happiness. It means, Love isn't enough, Love Care & Concern has to come together to achieve Happiness.

According to Mustaffah, to love our wives we can't be just giving gifts and money alone, we need to put effort to take care of them. On the hand, with effort but no money or in kind, love will not be complete either. As a Muslim to have three wives, he has to be fair to all his women. One last question...when all your wives are with you, which one would be seating with you at the front when you are driving? His reply was sharp and precise, all three would be seating at the back and my son would be seating with me as the front passenger. Wow! Not easy a task to have three wives readers!!!

Mustaffah, you are greater than John Wayne who said, “I've had three wives, six children and six grandchildren and I still don't understand women”.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

My prayers for you.


I was asked by a friend, what is my religion? I told her my belief is The Universe which represents all the faiths on earth. When i was a kid, my mum taught me Taoism but she allowed me to study bible in a nearby church. In my early twenties, i met a Hindu Guru who guided me Hinduism, particularly on Hanuman. At my thirties, i studied Buddhism in the English version. Ten years ago, i read the beautiful Quran to understand my Muslim friends. I had been to the Chinese and Indian Temples, Mosques and many Churches of many denominations.

This friend wanted to know how i prayed. I don't pray for myself, except to pray for others. My belief, in order to be blessed by The Universe i have to earn for them. In the course of my life and my career, i have had helped to save many lives. My tag line is... i rather served than to be served and i love to serve willingly without condition. My rewards are...I am very happy because i have friends of different races, creed and belief, who are thinking good of me and some even pray for me with their whole heart. I strongly believe, when there are so many people who are positively thinking for me, i would gain the hidden force and energy to make my life a happier and healthier one.

See to believe, i have a wisdom mind but a much younger heart. Very few people would be able to see my real age. Thanks God. My health is in tip top condition too. I guess i could still make another baby, if little darling is prepared to go along. Most people my age would have retired, whereas i am still enjoying my career and life to the utmost. For all these good things of me, i have to be grateful to all my friends and clients who constantly pray for me all the time.

My belief - "The best prayers are those that others think and pray for you because of your good deeds and values."

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Today's thought.


Women are basically greedy. They want all things from one man.

While men are so simple. They want only one thing from all women.

I forwarded this thought to some friends who had a good laugh over it. Capt Azhar wrote to me with this statement..."Except for Elizabeth Taylor. She wanted all things from 7 men ( or rather 6, since she married Richard Burton twice). Not too greedy eh....". I believe he agreed with this simple thought of the day.

Zarina called little darling after reading my thought, did your young man took care of you financially from top to bottom. Little darling was understanding, she replied, he gave me his rich heart. Zarina has good taste of life, with much expectation from man, she still hasn't found her ideal rich man yet.

You think women are right or men are wrong, you have to decide yourself because life has so much to learn and to understand! I am still learning myself.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hot and Cold Sex


After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient:
'You appear to be in good health.. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

'Not a bad performance at all for dis old man' the doctor thought. When the doctor examined his elderly wife a short time later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine.. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem.. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?'

"Oh, that crazy old bastard'' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August!!!'

P.S: i wonder how many readers could understand the meaning and the joke. If you don't understand and the joke, perhaps you really don't appreciate life at all. Or if you catch the words but couldn't laugh at all, most likely you are a very serious person and has little humour. However if you like my story and are giggling to yourself now, i am sure you must be a fun person that all friends love. Check me if i am wrong!

Please be reminded - “Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything” - Billy Graham quotes

Monday, April 12, 2010

I am always young in heart.


A lady friend said, my dad is almost like your age but he is like a big baby who has to be pampered all the time in the house. He has retired from his business when he turned 50, doing nothing for the past 15 years, except eating and sleeping. Mum could not be late to feed him all his meals at home, otherwise she would get scolding from him. He gets hungry fast, and a hungry man is always a hot temper man. Though he sleeps early in the nite, around 8 or so, he still needs another two naps at 11 in the morning and afternoon again. He spends the whole morning reading all his newspapers, from the front to the last page, every column and lines. Occasionally he and mum would go out to practise tai chi with all their retired friends, chatting grand mother stories most of the time. Dad and mum would wait for their children to come by to take them out. They have no income and they survive from the allowances given by the children. Though they are healthy, the daughter is wondering why dad has no determination and courage to earn an income for himself.

She is seeking my advices because she could see the great differences in me and her father. My time is so occupied from morning right up till midnite. My mind thinks so rapid that even younger people could not catch my thought. I move fast because i have endless appointments everyday. I could drive, talk on phone and even write while driving. My creative mind keeps pouring ideas every minute of the day. Once i am awake in the morning, i don't take any more nap, till midnite when i finish blogging for the world to read. Tai chi is meant for the senior citizens, whereas i fancy the gym to wrestle my muscles and strength with the younger club members. I read the news online, instead of the papers. I don't wait for my children to take me out, but i visit them occasionally because they are thousand miles away from me. Thanks God! I don't need my children allowance but rather i make sure all my clients be happy paying my services rendered.

What makes me to be different from her dad is.. I avoid mixing with elderly folks who have no drive to survive, I always like to befriend younger people who are intelligence and aggressive, I make sure to exercise as much as possible and i like falling in love again. My little darling calls me babe too.

For this dear lady - “If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.” - Barbara De Angelis

Sunday, April 11, 2010

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ONLINE...


Hey there! Why are you here. Today is a Sunday and you should be out there in the open, smelling the taste of life, seeing others passing through, please go for a movie, take your family out and have some fun or is a good time to make love when nobody is in the house at the moment. Our world isn't just the computer alone, when most people are addicted to the Internet. Look at the picture posted, that guy who spent all his time online while eating all those junk foods was admitted for a severe heart attack. He happened to be my client who didn't take my advice. And i don't want you who is reading my blog to fall into the same trap. Ok?

Look at this - “Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” - Ashley Smith quotes

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Woman is always smarter than man.



A man said to his wife one day,
'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so
beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
And I can still be on top of you on bed...


G. K. Chesterton:
"A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition."

Friday, April 09, 2010

Speakah de English.


A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first. Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore,
'You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly.
'In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man.
'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi.


Note: In lives misinterpretation happens everyday. Be sure what you hear and think. Otherwise you turn to be a fool for others to see.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Rich & Humble.


Is easy to live simple and humble when one is poor, not when you are rich and successful. One of my closed lady associate got a taste of success, when she recently achieved the highest award in her selling career. The company threw an expensive oversea holiday for all the achievers in recognising their success. On this holiday, she experienced many unexpected happenings. The true self and character of these so called high achievers was revived during the few days of togetherness.

She thought her colleagues were simple and humble. To her surprise, they were not but rather the opposite of what she expected. They are calculative, arrogance, boastful, selfish, unforgiving, hot temper, brand conscious and demanding. They could be buying the best for themselves but the least they bother to tip for good services given. One word for them.. Selfish!

I advised and reminded this lady who is currently climbing her ladder of success, not to forget her original roots. When you were poorer, you were simple and humble but when you are successful and richer now, you should be more humble and kinder in character. The fact is, money could change a person character and behaviour but if you could retain to be more simplier in yourself, you become the true star to everyone. I could only offer you my suggestions, but is up to you to manage and control your esteem and emotion, especially when success and richness are in your hand.

Food for thought - "The richer, more powerful, the bigger you grow, the more knowledgeable you are, the more humble you should be."

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

LONGEST MARRIED COUPLE (85 YEARS!) GIVES RELATIONSHIP ADVICE




Something worth knowing...
Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years (86 in May) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.
The happily married couple teamed up with twitter this Valentine’s Day to answer some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.
1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option - or even a thought.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life - our marriage has lasted a lifetime
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?
We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith - when you meet him, you’ll know.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Respect, support & communicate with each other.Be faithful, honest & true.Love each other with ALL of your heart
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider.The 1920s were hard,but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us.I married a good man!
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day.Herbert left work early & surprised me – he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!
Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax - the look on her face & clean plate made my day!
8. You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
“Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?
Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs - together.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra’s mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win
13. Is fighting important?
NEVER physically! Agree that it’s okay to disagree, & fight for what really matters. Learn to bend - not break!
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are both Christians & believe in God.Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.We pray with & for each other every day.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

I am the Number ONE.


Many years ago, i was asked this question: Is my insurance company the number One company in the world? I said NO! But you are dealing with a number One insurance life insurance agent, ME!

To give encouragement to all my fellow colleagues in our industry, i would say..Whether you are representing the largest or the smallest company, the most important factor is yourself. Are you the number ONE in your own way. If you are confidence with yourself, giving the best to the business and be 100% committed to the career, you are already the number One agent to all your clients. What is the point of being representing the so called Number One company when you are not totally dedicated to your profession. Believe me, people buy our products because of the person and not the company. A company is just the name, whereas an agent has live and feeling.

Let me introduce you to Ben Feldman (1912 – November 7, 1993) was an American businessman and one of the most prolific salespeople in world history.

He sold $1,800,000,000 of Insurance Policies for New York Life Insurance from 1942 to his death in 1993. He once held the world record for the most products sold (by value) by a salesman in a career, a year ($100,000,000), and in a single day ($20,000,000). Near the end of his career, his annual commission totals were over $1,000,000 per year. At the time, these sales totals were equaled only by the entire sales forces of other insurance companies, though they have been long been nominally surpassed.

Born in New York City in 1912 as one of nine children to recent immigrants Isaac and Bertha Dardick Feldman, he began in sales when the family moved to Salineville, Ohio to open a wholesale poultry business.

Feldman spent most of his adult life living in East Liverpool, Ohio, which is where he began his remarkable career in life insurance sales. Despite a somewhat eccentric personality, Mr. Feldman had a gift in talking with people and helping them to understand the value of life insurance. When asked how he could sell such an intangible product as life insurance, Ben responded "I do not sell life insurance. I sell money. I sell dollars for pennies apiece. My dollars cost 3 cents per dollar per year."

Ben Feldman is additionally known for his mentoring of those new to the life insurance sales industry. He would often dispense advice to new agents by inscribing "dream big dreams" with a signature on the backs of $1 dollar bills. Mr. Feldman considered Mark E. Ross to be his most talented student and his heir-apparent in the life insurance industry.

Ben Feldman is considered the legend of our industry and yet he represented a company which is small and unknown to most people. Whether his company is the number One, for sure Ben was the number One agent. Are you?

Food for thought - “Well done is better than well said.” - Benjamin Franklin quotes

Monday, April 05, 2010

I turned mistake into good laugh.


Have you ever sent text messages to wrong friends? Sometimes it happened to me. The other day while trying to make a lady happy, i sent her a birthday greeting to another friend with a similar name.

The message was written as... "Specially to this lady...If woman didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning... Paul, today is your darling wife's birthday. She is a lovable mother & an intelligent wife. Please tell her that. Happy Birthday and have plenty of fun together. Rfoo."

Paul is the husband and Paul is a common name. I accidentally keyed and pressed the wrong number of another Paul without even realising my silly mistake. Not long later, my phone sounded. Paul wrote, "Hello young man. You got it wrong again. May be i will meet a lady who was born today. Thank."

Oooop! I was caught! It was nice of him to inform my error and reading his statement, i could feel this Paul is a cheeky and a naughty fellow. Without delaying i had to respond to him immediately too. I took the courage to send another message to this understanding friend. I wrote, "For every mistake happen, there ought to have a reason. Please be prepared to receive this unexpected woman to come into your life. Be it good or bad, sorry you have to decide yourself. Magic will appear to those blessed one like you. Coz you are a wonderful man, Paul."

To play along such happening, you need creativeness and braveness. Oh! I think ... i have plenty of them. I turned my mistake into a good laugh at the end of the day with Paul and his wife.

I have the same thought - "Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store or under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends" ~ Cindy Lew

Sunday, April 04, 2010

An Amazing Sore Throat Remedy.



These could be very informative to everyone...


This simple home remedy has worked 100% of the time for anyone that has tried it. Instead of suffering with a sore throat for a week or more, you can drive it away immediately, sometimes in less than a day. However, this remedy is not medical advice; it is a shared experience that really works! This site is not for profit; it's aim is simply to help people cure their sore throats.

The most common sore throat remedies for sore throat are usually over-the-counter sprays, lozenges and pastilles that are ineffective and smelly. The most common doctor-prescribed remedies are antibiotics, which take time to obtain, cost money and can have many negative side effects.

Most often, people waste time waiting while trying to figure out whether or not they really have a sore throat. By the time they realize they do have a sore throat, it's usually to the point that they are already suffering from serious sore throat pain, can barely speak, swallow or even eat.
This remedy is salt, and not just about gargling saltwater, it is actually about using common table salt as it is.

What you have to do is: tilt your head backwards and shake a little bit of salt straight into the back of your throat. Make sure you shake it straight into your throat, onto the base of your tongue and not over the middle or the tip your tongue (this way you will not suffer from any unpleasant taste). After that, do not swallow your saliva, just let the salt dissolve right there on the back of your throat, letting the salt stay there for as long as you possibly can. If you're using a salt shaker, shake 2 to 6 times depending how bad your sore throat is. If you're using a fast food style paper saltshaker, you should shake about 1/4 of the packet directly into your throat. Also highly suggested, is to shake an even larger amount of salt into your throat right before you go to sleep for the night. During your sleep, without food or drink, bacteria thrive without any interruption to incubation and growth. Therefore, using salt while you are asleep can be extremely effective. Keep a salt shaker near your bed. If you wake up in the middle of the night feeling sore, you can shake some more salt into your throat.

Salt is a very old remedy that kills bacteria. In the old days they traditionally used salt to preserve meat and fish. Why? Because salt attracts water and attacks the bacteria cell walls, causing the bacteria to dehydrate and self-destruct in the process.

If your sore throat is really severe you can use salt as often as every 30 minutes. Use it as soon as you feel the first symptoms of a sore throat and the earlier you use it, the faster you’ll get rid of that sore throat.

Salt is available nearly everywhere. You can stop in to any fast food place on any street and grab some. Don’t wait around trying to figure out whether or not your sore throat is serious. Instead you can use this quick sore throat cure. As soon as you feel the first signs of a sore throat, use the salt immediately. Gargling salt water is not nearly as effective since the concentration of salt is not high enough to take care of the problem. Also, gargling water requires a cup of water and the time to dissolve the salt in it, yet more inconvenience that makes you wait for relief.

Not all sore throats are the result of a bacteria infection. Sometimes the cause is a virus, commonly known as influenza virus. Many times your sore throat starts as a viral infection which develops into a bacterial infection. Salt is intended to fight only the bacteria, not the virus. Therefore salt might not be totally effective if you are suffering from a viral throat infection. Nevertheless, you really have nothing to lose by using salt. According to experience, salt can be extremely effective in most all cases, depending on the cause of your sore throat.

A sore throat is also often the first stage of a common cold, also known as the Flu. First to arrive is the sore throat, followed by nasal congestion and coughing. If you can take care of it fast, you won't wear down your immune system fighting the sore throat and your immune system has more energy to fight the other cold symptoms. Therefore, using salt could also shorten the total duration of suffering from the common cold.

Everybody suffers from a sore throat every year. If you find this advice to be useful - feel free to share it with your friends - and send them a link to this site.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

FOR THE OLD FOLKS


Dedicated to all my senior friends,
You have to be over 55 to truly understand it... Goosh! Luckily my heart's age is only 35.

I like Ashley Montagu's tag line - "I want to die young at a ripe old age."

Friday, April 02, 2010

75 questions to ask yourself..!


An old proverb says, “He that cannot ask cannot live”. If you want answers you have to ask questions. These are 75 questions you should ask yourself and try to answer. You can ask yourself these questions right now and over the course of your life.

1. Why not me?
2. Am I nice?
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
4. What am I grateful for?
5. What’s missing in my life?
6. Am I honest?
7. Do I listen to others?
8. Do I work hard?
9. Do I help others?
10. What do I need to change about myself?
11. Have I hurt others?
12. Do I complain?
13. What’s next for me?
14. Do I have fun?
15. Have I seized opportunities?
16. Do I care about others?
17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
18. Am I open-minded?
19. Have I seen enough of the world?
20. Do I judge others?
21. Do I take risks?
22. What is my purpose?
23. What is my biggest fear?
24. How can I conquer that fear?
25. Do I thank people enough?
26. Am I successful?
27. What am I ashamed of?
28. Do I annoy others?
29. What are my dreams?
30. Am I positive?
31. Am I negative?
32. Is there an afterlife?
33. Does everything happen for a reason?
34. What can I do to change the world?
35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?
36. Am I cheap?
37. Am I greedy?
38. Who do I love?
39. Who do I want to meet?
40. Where do I want to go?
41. What am I most proud of?
42. Do I care what others think about me?
43. What are my talents?
44. Do I utilize those talents?
45. What makes me happy?
46. What makes me sad?
47. What makes me angry?
48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?
49. Am I healthy?
50. What was the toughest time in my life?
51. What was the easiest time in my life?
52. Am I selfish?
53. What was the craziest thing I did?
54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
55. Do I procrastinate?
56. What is my greatest regret?
57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
59. Do I stand up for myself?
60. Have I settled for mediocrity?
61. Do I hold grudges?
62. Do I read enough?
63. Do I listen to my heart?
64. Do I donate enough to the less fortunate?
65. Do I pray only when I want something?
66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
68. Do I forgive myself?
69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?
71. Do I smile more than I frown?
72. Do I surround myself with good people?
73. Do I take time out for myself?
74. Do I ask enough questions?
75. What other questions do I have?

Thursday, April 01, 2010

What is your Peace of Mind??


Let not your hearts be troubled ! Is not April Fool here.... read on please....


PEACE OF MIND

If you were to ask your neighbor,
"What would give you peace of mind?" he might tell you,
"A vacation in Bermuda!" or
"An extra hundred grand would give me peace!", or
"A new Ferrari would make me content!"
But going to places - and getting stuff - is usually a temporary solution ...
Peace of mind rarely comes from getting more stuff.
Getting more stuff usually leads to wanting even more stuff!
Peace of mind starts with being grateful for what we have right now.

GRATITUDE is POWER

When we are thankful for what we have - for the friends we have, and for the things we've got,
we attract more good people and good things!
People who always complain about what they DON'T HAVE, stay stuck.
Complainers attract more things to complain about!
It is a law of life. It's hard to explain, but you can observe it around you.
We get more of what we dwell upon.
That's why all the spiritual masters have taught the same lesson:
"Start by being thankful. Be happy with what you have now, and more will come your way."
It's a practical advice:
Every time you say a silent "thank you" you become more peaceful