Thursday, July 31, 2008

A birthday gift on phone.

Today is Bee Lang's birthday. I never failed to call all my friends on their birthdays. As birthday is always the sweetest day for everyone. Isn't it? The following was the chat I had with her on my mobile phone.

Me: "Happy birthday to you my dear, Bee Lang. How are you? You want me to sing you the happy birthday song on phone?"

Lang: "Robert, you never failed to call on my birthday. U do make me happy. At least you call once a year to wish me. Even my husband forgets at times, but definitely not you. You really put him into shame."

Me: "Bee Lang, I might not call you often but the birthday call is a checking call. I want to know how you are, your family and your business."

Lang: "I am okay."

Me: "Are you having a party today?"

Lang: "No! Those were the days we had parties. Not now any more."

Me: "Is your darling husband taking you for a candle light dinner today?"

Lang: "He is not as romantic as you. I wish he is."

Me: "Bee lang, you don't sound very happy! Tell me are you happy?"

Lang:"Yesss! Happppy!"

Me: "Though I can't see u. But your voice on phone sounds dull. I think you are only 60% happy. Are you facing some problems?"

Lang: "Ahhh!! A little!!"

Me: "I am sorry to hear that on your birthday. May be if you try to be happy, you would feel better."

Lang: "How could it be Robert? When I have problems, I will not be happy."

Me: "True! Since today is your birthday, I want to give you a birthday gift on the phone. You want it?"

Lang: "A gift on the phone. How?"

Me: "Yes! My gift is a few words of life. It goes to say. 'A happy heart will see a beautiful world'. Meaning. You will never see a beautiful world if your heart is sad and sorrowful. You might have a problem now. You have a choice to solve it with a happy heart or an unhappy heart. If you think of all the good things you have at the moment, I am sure you will be happy. Use the happy feeling and solve your problem at the sametime. I am sure you will get a better result. However if you choose to feel unhappy of heart, and at the sametime you try to solve your immediate problem, most likely you may not solve it at all. Understand?

Lang: "It sounds logical."

Me: "In short, solve all problems with a happy heart. In turn you will have fun and laughter over them. After all, life has got to be interesting. No matter what happen, see the happy and positive part of it."

Lang: "Thank you Robert. I am glad you called and you have given me a lovely gift of lives."

Food for the thought. "Act happy, feel happy, be happy, without a reason in the world. Then you can love, and do what you will" - Dan Millman

Why my dad isn't a happy man?

Was having a chat with a sweet young thing (SYT) lately. She was complaining, her father was getting irritated easily, hot temper and arrogance most of the time. The only person who is staying with him now is the mother who has to tolerate his nuisance. She thought the father is getting old. Out of curiosity I asked SYT, "How old are your dad and mum?" She said her father is 66 and the mother is 64. I checked with SYT again, "Before you claim your dad is old. May I know your dad is healthy and strong?"

SYT said her dad is healthy. He still goes along with the wife to play tai' chii' almost everyday with friends. The couple walked a lot at the park. His appetite is good as the wife knows how to cook well. He is extremely strong and he helped to provide handy work for his own and children houses.

I told SYT, "Ahhha!!! your dad isn't old. He is hungry?" SYT was puzzled. I continued, "A hungry person is an angry person. Your dad is suffering from silent sorrow syndrome."

Although the man is 66, as he is still fit, he needs sex to fulfill his physical satisfaction as a strong and healthy person. No normal healthy man can abstain from sex. The more he suppresses his urge, the more frustrated the man would be. To the children, the mother and father could be a happy couple from the outside, but I guessed, inside the curtain the man faces sorrow and depression. As woman could live without man or even discard sex as they aged, not man immaterial of what age we are. The wife could care for him but might neglect to satisfy him sexually. He is a hungry man and a hungry man is always an angry man. This is man's problem, "Silent Sorrow."

My friendly advice to SYT. You might not be able to understand your parents and not easy to discuss such matters with your mother or dad, but you could suggest them to read this blog. The only person who could assist the man is the woman. As I had written earlier in my previous title, woman has 99 things to be contented in lives but man only needs one to be contented. Is Sex! Ideally to have it with the one he loves. Otherwise the hungry man could really age faster as expected without sex. For the females, if you happened to see an angry and frustrated man, please be careful, because he isn't a satisfied person.

Food for the heart. "Love & sex is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible, it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could" - Barbara DeAngalis.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The 84 years old bride.

Please click the above picture to enlarge the wordings for easy reading.

Well! Are you too old to fall in love again? Not the above lady. I consider her as brave and loving. Many could have laughed at her but without realising it yourself, you should be laughing at yourself for being too timid. After all everyone needs to be loved, whether young or old. Those who have no love in heart, are always dull at look. Not when you have love. Look at her eyes and you should see how sweet she is, even though she has reached 84. Many of her age would have lost the jest of lives. Love has brought her hope and strength. It creates excitement and the desire to live. I will be like her to always be in love, no matter what age I am. I hope this will offer encouragement to my little darling to love me much more.

Food for the heart. "None of us has the power to make someone else love us. But we all have the power to give away love to love other people. And if we do, we change the kind of person we are, and we change the kind of world we live in" - Rabbi Harold Kushner.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

These two great ladies are my daughters in law.

These are the two great ladies I admire, Debbie and Fionne. Debbie was married to Fionne husband. Although Debbie was the ex wife, she gets along well with Fionne. She treats her ex as her best friend and has never got jealous with Fionne. She knows, the man could not be her husband but at least be a friend. She even taught Fionne how to love her husband better. Though she had mistakes before, she doesn't want the new couple to make the same mistakes again. Fionne is equally smart, she knows how to understand Debbie. She is prepared to learn and to take advice from the elder friend. From the first wife, the man has a son who is currently staying with the father. The first 10 years, the boy was cared by the mother. It is time, the father has to be responsible to the son now. Allowing the mother to be free, when she could concentrate on her demanding career internationally. Fionne has a big heart and willing to take the role of the mother to this son. Not forgetting she is expecting soon. She promised to Debbie she will be a good mother and a friend to her son. These two wonderful ladies are intelligent and attractive as well.

The man who had fallen once with Debbie and now the responsible husband to Fionne is certainly a lucky man. I wonder where he has the charm to sweet talk these two great women. This man is no other than my first son who is currently staying abroad. Although Debbie was his wife, she will always be my special daughter in law who is so understanding in lives. At the same time, I am equally joyful to have another caring daughter in law, Fionne who could make things happen for my son. Knowing her now, I am sure she will be the ideal lady for my playful son.

There is a saying, "If you harbour doubts about others, there is no way you can love others, forgive others, or believe in others. " Thanking you Debbie and welcome Fionne to our family.

Monday, July 28, 2008

My girlfriend is pregnant.

In the course of my work, I encountered this situation lately. Hong is a young college student who is only 18. His parents are my clients but just that a couple of years back, his dad divorced his mum for another woman. Although Hong stays with his mother, she comes home late because she too has to work. The father would come back once in awhile to see his son. Hong was happy until recently when he called to seek my advice. He is in love with another college mate for quite sometimes. Unexpectedly his girl friend is pregnant for three months. They are very worried, tense and do not know what to do. Both families are unaware of this relationship. They claimed their parents would be angry and upset, if they were to be told. Currently both have very little saving to solve the unexpected. As Hong has known me since baby, he felt that I am the one person who could advise and assist. He rather wants me to know than to inform his fearful dad.

Mmmmmm!!! It is not an easy task for me. I thought as a life insurance agent, I need to sell only insurance but today I have to act as parent to these lost children. They might have made a mistake but the mistake could not have happened if the parents took time to educate their children. After all, who can control temptation? Even adults like us can't at times. What more for the young and innocent like Hong and his girl friend. I am still scratching my head, what to tell them!!!

Shall I suggest to them to abort the unexpected, when nobody would know of it at the moment. Of course there is a certain element of risk involved if they choose this option. Or shall I inform both their families who might not understand them. Or shall I encourage both to get marry at this tender age when they should be studying. Or shall I stay quiet and do nothing, when they have so much confidence in me. Perhaps you readers can help.

Shall I follow this proverb spoken by Bill Watterson; "Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems."

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Ninety nine against one!

Is late night and I still can't sleep. I am alone thinking of my little darling who is on holiday. The day seemed to be the longest day in my life. Second clicked like hour and time is motionless. My body has no energy and lacking in vibration. My creativeness all of a sudden disappeared. Didn't know missing of a loved one could be so torturing. Has to admit man always needs woman. From the time, a boy is born, he needs the care of his mother. When he turns adult, he needs the love of his wife. Until he dies, he still needs a female nurse to care for his dying.

I have to take the advice from a very religious man. He said, in the spiritual contents, it was written, man has only one thing to be satisfied. Whereas woman has ninety nine things to look forward to in this world. Woman is lucky, they have been created to be contented with many things. Just to mention a few, they love holidays, jewelries, clothing, make-up, properties, cars, parents and their children. They can easily be happy with the surrounding and they are materialistic in nature. Out of their ninety nine needs, man is only classified as one of their need. Comparing to male, our one need as top priority is woman. Without the company of his loved lady, the rest of the world isn't important to him. He might like to go for holiday too, but without his love, the holiday is of no purposes for him. He could be having a big villa, without his love, the villa isn't a home for him either. Whether you like it or not, this is the way of lives the world is being made.

A friendly advice to the gentlemen, if you do have a love at the moment, please treasure her as a diamond. Because without her, your lives will be dull and boring like me now. I have only one little darling's thought to be contented but she has ninety nine desiring thoughts to look forward to everyday. When she comes home, I have to treat her like a diamond too.

Food for the heart. "Love is a lot like dancing - you just surrender to the music. I surrender to her."

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Identifying & Qualifying prospects first.

Identifying and qualifying prospects in our business are vital important. Failure to do so, will cause a lot of frustration and dissatisfaction. Today one of my associate agent, felt extremely upset over a client. Two years ago, out of hunger in gathering business, she sold a new client a life insurance policy with full discount given. According to her, without the rebate, the client would not pick up the plan. Although she wasn't earning from this sale, her client insisted high expectation from her. During this last two years, this particular client demanded attention and services. If for some reasons, she could not answer his calls for being busy, he would harass her until she responded. To make thing worst, the client met an accident, when he lost one of his ear hearing. The pitiful agent tried her level best to submit his accidental partial disable claim, which wasn't appreciated. He insisted the insurance company, staffs and agent to act immediately. Not only he scolded this stressful agent, he yelled at those who received his telephone calls and had intention to write official complaints for delaying his payment.

I considered this client as most unreasonable and selfish. He wasn't prepared to pay for services as he insisted on full rebate, but at the same time he wanted full professional attention. How could our economical world survives, when everyone takes and no one pays. When you ask for a discount, you might expect a discounted services.

Thanks God! Although my associate agent had made a big blunder by giving her earning away, she still had not back out. Stressful though, she managed to get the cheque claim for this unreasonable client. I am sure she had learned a good lesson. Identifying and qualifying a prospect is important. If you don't feel comfortable and easy with a prospect, don't deal business with him. A good client is one who respects and willing to pay an agent to serve. Similarly a professional agent is one who sells with dignity and sincerity. The minute you give away your earning, you loose the respect from your prospective client. I hope all my fellow colleagues in this industry would learn.

Specially to this associate agent who almost cried when the above happened. Food for thought; "To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking" - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

Friday, July 25, 2008

"Why" is a powerful word.

In my early years of selling life insurance, I always found it difficult to overcome objections from prospects. Some of the common objections like; "I am not interested", "I don't believe in insurance", "Let me think about it!", "I like to talk over with my wife", "Like to compare first" and many more. Most of these objections could be false. They said them for the sake of saying or to push me away. With many hard knocks plus trial and error, I managed to find a solution to overcome the untruthful replies from my prospects.

Whenever a prospect gives me an objection, which could be true or untrue, I will just reply him with one word. This key word is "why". The "why" is a miracle word with power. After saying softly to him this "why", I will just stare at him in silence. This "why" creates thoughts in him. The silence stare, is like forcing him to tell the real truth. With a little experience, one will be able to master the art of overcoming objections and sensing whether prospects are lying. Remember to say "Why" and keep silence. Be brave to look at his face to observe his reaction.

Not only the "why" could be applicable to selling. It is usable in our day to day lives as well. For instance, if you are having a quarrel with your lover and she says, "I don't love you any more!" Don't be too smart to answer for her with various reasons for being not loving you. Try to look at her face and gently reply, "Why?" Keep silence, don't utter a word at all. Stare at her face seriously. The longer the silence, the better will be the result. Let her talks and you listen. A lot of sales were lost and many loves were broken because not many know how to use the right words for the right time. So the next time you do encounter with some objections of any kind, try the "why" and see the result yourself.

My God daughter shared this power line; "Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth" - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Are you a fun person?

I was most impressed by this inspirational speaker, Mr Khoo Swee Chiow from Singapore. He believes in the "Impossible." He considered himself as a professional adventurer. His high-risk expeditions include: 1998 Climbed Mount Everest, 1999 reached South Pole, 2000 for 7 Summits, 2001 - Shishapangma without oxygen, 2002 reached North Pole, 2003 Cycling Singapore to Beijing, 2004 Swimming over Straits of Malacca, 2005 World's longest scuba dive, 2006 climb Mount Everest and 2007 World's Longest journey on skates from Vietnam to Singapore.

One important thing he had for achieving all the high-risks expeditions is 'FUN'. With fun, this adventurous man got all his courage and determination. In whatever things we do, without fun, most likely we would loose our enthusiasm and interest. He knew how to create fun out of all his expeditions. Fun is the factor in life. Otherwise I won't have been a salesperson for 40 years and still selling. I don't just sell products but rather I sold fun and laughter all the ways.

If only we know how to apply 'fun and laughter' in our lives, I am sure this world will be a better place to live. Don't be just parents to raise your children. Have fun and grow along with them. The fun will create better bonding and relationship within the family. Don't just work for the sake of working but be naughty to create some fun out of your work. You will be amazed, how fun could push you further than expected. If you are in a courtship, don't just be romantic and loving, have some courage to be playful and have some fun out of your relationship. I assure you, your love will go the extra miles.

Food for the thought - "Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away."

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Lost & Found.

This late afternoon, I was in a bank on an off hour banking, when I found a palm smart phone on the customer desk. There was no one at that moment, and I knew the previous customer must had left it there without realising it. I waited for awhile but nobody seemed to turn up to search for this lost phone. In fact I was running short of time because I had another meeting in town. To play it safe, I took this phone along with me when I left the bank. As I was walking towards my car, I was pondering whether I should wait further for the rightful owner to call me on this phone. The phone might not be very expensive, but I was sure the information in the memory must be very important to this owner. I guessed this particular person should be very worried that the phone had been lost. Instead of moving on, I told myself I had to wait for the caller from this phone. True enough, half an hour later, a sweet young lady called. She sounded desperate and excited. I sensed she is the owner who later came to my car. Upon seeing her with her younger daughter, she managed to confirm and verify this phone. I handed back this phone to her, when she was so happy and delighted. I told her my job was to wait for the rightful owner to turn up. I assured her that she need not had to repay me. Perhaps she could not believe there are still many honest and sincere people around in this planet world. Her name is Amma who had to leave for Sudan tomorrow. I reminded them, "Please be careful my dear, you might not be so lucky again next time."

Although I had missed my appointment as fixed, I was equally satisfied because I had made another strangers happy and joyful. I had touched their hearts. The saying goes, "Happiness is to see others happy no matter when and where you are."

Specially to these two ladies, Amma & daughter I met today. "Do you know the relation between your two eyes? They blink together, move together, cry together, see things together and sleep together... even though they never see each other. Friendship should be just like that!! Life is like hell without friends" - Wishes was sent by a great friend, Hanafiah who cares.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Our thoughts affect our lives.

I was away attending a convention which lasted three days. Without persuasion from my little darling, I might not have registered for such lengthy program. Sometimes the older we get, the more we need to be kicked at the back before we are willing to move and to learn again.

One interesting idea I gained from one session conducted by a certified Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) trainer who talked on Psychology. He said, our human mind has 75000 thoughts translated each day. Seventy five percent of them are the negative one. The minute we get up in the morning, we would be looking at our face. How many would actually smile and feel proud of themselves. Some don't like their look, they dislike their noise or the eyes, or they don't feel good of their body shape. All these are negative thoughts which are translated into their system. Without them realising, it affects and influences their productivity of the day. Although these are only simple thoughts in the morning, they distract our thinking and confidence of oneself. The more negative thoughts that follow later, the more inefficiencies will occur for the person.

With this statement from this NLP trainer, I believe women out-beat men in term of thought translation per day. Women love to see their face and body. They are proud to look at their faces and they spend much time to beautify their clothing. Compare to men, we dislike to waste time on facial and dressing. In the public toilets, I seldom see men smiling at their faces. I wonder whether they are scared to look at themselves seriously. Not the ladies! They even carry a small mirror in their handbags whenever they feel like it.

Now I know, why women are doing much better than men. In the corporate world, they are excelling and in the marketing & sales, they are at bar with us. The reason is, they smile and love themselves more than men do. For the gentlemen, please spend more time on your face and smile to love yourself more. The positive thoughts will strengthen your confidence gradually.

A simple line from another little darling of only 13 of age; "Where there is a will, there is a way" - Tesh.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Don't waste water.

I received a wisdom message from a great friend, Panjanathan. Good things must be shared.

"Oh Yes! As one gets wiser and sees beyond....Barriers evaporate, Frontiers open, a New Life lies ahead. Once my Guru told me.... About Water. Water is for life. Water is life. Water is NOT for Thirst! People remember Water when they are Thirsty. Just like Many think of GOD ... ONLY when they have problems. Never waste Water. Never Take GOD LIGHTLY. Put HIM first and ALL will fall Right... my Guru."

Saturday, July 19, 2008

I was approached by a Chinese Doll.

The China Dolls are here! I could not believe until I was approached by one recently. I was in a departmental store when one pretty Chinese lady approached me. She spoke gently in Mandarin, asking whether I am interested to have sex with her. I was shocked and surprised that such contact could happen in such broad day light. My little darling was just a few feet away from me and yet she darn to solicit her services. I politely told her I am not interested.

I wondered how many males could fall on her charming approaches. She was very attractive, young, sexy and seducing. Many younger men who don't foresee the risks and danger involved, would definitely accept the invitation. As I am a much wiser person, I understand the consequences ahead.

This Chinese Doll really knew her profession. She had the courage to ask without fear and shame. She knew how to identify her eligible customers who could pay and perform. She worked in a new territories unknown to her. She had a product and services which man could not resist not to buy. I can call her as a salesperson as well.

Food for the thought - "The happiest of people don't necessary have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything."

Friday, July 18, 2008

How romantic & brave are you?

Over a cup of coffee with some of my naughty intelligent friends, we talked about courage in sex.

The topic was, "where is the most challenging and exciting place to make love." The first choice is the normal bedroom, second is the bathroom, the third is in the car, the fourth is under the bushes at the park and the last is at the beach.

The result was; 20% for the bedroom, 30% for the bathroom, 30% in the car, no taker for bushes and 20% for the beach. With this result, we learned something about the character of each of us. Those who chose the bedroom were non risk taker and unwilling to explore. Those who opt for the bathroom were also the shy type. Interesting enough for those who like to try having sex in car were the brave one. No taker for the bushes for reason unknown. On the other hand, those who fancied making love on the beach were aggresive and the romantic one.

Believe me, I picked the beach. But wondering whether my little darling is prepared to attempt such romantic role with me. As to you readers, the one who is reading this topic now, what about you?

Food for the thought - "Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye" - Helen Keller.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Heart2heart listening is more powerful.

I had not spoken with Sally on phone for many years. Before she left for Taiwan, she wasn't a happy lady. I had a chance to speak to her last night. Her voice was full of joyful vibration. I told her, "Sally, you are a different person now." She was surprised. She thought I was just trying to guess or was pulling her legs. Although I could not see her face on phone, I definitely could hear her voice clearly. My heart was listening her heart which could be felt.

My senses were correct. Sally late husband was abusive. She never had a chance to live a happy life. After her husband's death, there were many men who came into Sally's lives. Regrettably all those men were unfaithful and had bad intention over this approachable lady. Out of frustration, she gave up her job and went abroad to seek her venture. In Taiwan, she met a simple and single man, who truthfully loves her. Recently together with her soul mate, they came back to start life here. The man is prepared to accept Sally three grown up children too. Love is with Sally.

When she is happy, the heart speaks accordingly. Not like before, when she pretended to speak happily, her heart betrayed her sorrow. I am glad my good friend doesn't need to be a hypocrite anymore. This saying is true again, "A happy heart sees a beautiful world."

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

One in a million shot.

One in a million shot! Its amazing and is a spectacular scene. I believe it needs plenty of patience and skill to snap this timely shot. Its like God smiling or the world is smiling with you. The picture relates love and passion to me. If you are in love with a truthful and sincere mate, your chances is also one in a million. After all the world has billion population and for two persons who are fated to be in love, luck alone isn't enough, you actually need miracle to happen. Appreciate your get together at this moment of your lives, for this million shot might not come again. Thank you to that special lady who sent me this picture, it reminds me that I have to love my little darling more.

Food for the heart - "There are two worlds; the world that we can measure with line and rule, and the world that we feel with our heart and imaginations."

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Silence is power!

Silence is power, if you know how to use it. I apply silence whenever I needed attention. I learned to keep silence while learning to sell life insurance. In my early days while coming into this challenging business, I was too eager to meet people and to explain about our products. I talked a lot but my closing success was poor. I didn't know my prospects were not listening. Hearing and listening are two different issues. Prospects could be staring at you while you talk, but if they are not listening, I am sure you will not be able to convince your intention. To draw the attention of our listeners, there is a special skill. You can't ask our listeners to be attentive neither can you ask whether they are interested to listen. However you can keep silence without a single word utters, when you could sense they are not with you. It got to be total silence. Be brave to stare at their faces and feel their thoughts and fancies. Their minds could be drifted afar but suddenly when there is silence, it creates the impact of their thoughts again. Silence could be fearful but silence draws awareness. Silence is like a natural instinct to tell you are not listening. It is a polite manner and making your listeners feel guilty for being not listening. If you start practising to keep silence at the right time, you will be amazed how effective it is to draw attention to whoever you need to interact with. Whether in sale, family or even romancing, keep silence as your skill.

Food for the thought - "Silence is golden if only you know how to use it."

Monday, July 14, 2008

What is Intimacy?

I was recommended by my little darling a book entitled 'Intimacy' written by Dr. Paul Coleman. Although I had read only the first chapter, it really stimulated my brain which I had never experienced before. I thought I knew what was intimacy but actually I did not, until this book enlightened me. I might as well take this opportunity to share with those who might be interested too.

Dr. Paul introduction laid to say, Love may be the heart of your most important relationships but intimacy is the soul. Intimacy is the energy center of how you relate to others and how they relate to you. Without intimacy, there is no meaningful togetherness.

According to Dr. Paul, intimacy is pure magic. When you experience it quietly with a friend, it fosters caring. When you experience it with a romantic partner, it generates something even more profound; growing love, passion, and devotion.

What is intimacy? Intimacy does not exist without a connection to someone. The connection can be brief, such as chatting with someone you never met before at a party (although simply chatting is not by itself an intimate act). Intimacy is not merely a feeling inside you. It is not about one person at all. It is about interaction and the magic that happens when two people give something of themselves to one another.

Intimacy can't be defined in a single sentence. It has many facets. Typically, when people think of intimacy they think about having sex or perhaps a very personal discussion. These are two ways that intimacy might occur but they are not the only ways. Haven't you ever had a close, intimate moment where no words were spoken? Where there was no sexual contact?

Whatever the intimate encounter might be, it must possess three qualities that render it truly intimate; connecting, caring and sharing. Let's look at those three factors more closely.

Connecting. This can be either a physical interaction or a soulful-emotional connection, such as feeling to someone who is far away.

Caring. Some form of love, compassion, or very positive feeling - often passionate - must be involved. If a person matters to you solely for the purpose of using them for a gain, that is not genuine caring.

Sharing. The connection is mutual. It is not one-sided or selfish. Even if you are alone and just thinking about the person you love, there is a sharing in that the person probably thinks tenderly about you, too.

Unless all three factors are present, there is no intimacy. Think about it for a moment.

When trying to figure out if intimacy is real or just a cheap imitation, remember that having contact doesn't mean you're connecting; talking isn't necessary sharing; and liking someone doesn't mean that you really care.

In this first chapter, I learned intimacy is part of life which is applicable to our day to day living. As long as we remember those three key factors; connecting, caring and sharing, we could intimately be happier with our families, friends or even strangers and business. In fact, I was unconsciously applying these key factors on selling of life insurance. Now that I understand the real meaning of intimacy, I certainly will sell more intimately with my clients for better result and satisfaction. Overall I will be a better intimate person as friends and lover.

I highly recommend to read this book under The Complete Idiot's Guide to Intimacy. Gregory J. P. Godek wrote, "Intimacy is not the same as love, sex, or romance - and Paul Coleman explains how they all work together, and why intimacy is the key to relationship success."

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Inspiration I need!

Writing on blog isn't easy, especially to write alone everyday. Many friends used to ask me, where I gathered all those facts and thoughts to share and the time to blog them. I told them, I got them in my day to day lives as I see the world passes by. I practically write only during the late nite when I finished my work. Once I settle down, with feeling and inspiration, my hand and mind would just move to write. However lately, some uneventful episodes strike me very badly. Emotionally I was down and unhappy, my mind was blocked and my heart was sick, when nothing came into my thought. I could not write for few days, even though I tried. I just could not believe myself that I had lost my inspiration and confidence, two factors needed to excel in this sharing world.

I started to blog early last year when I was merely thinking of have some fun. It was not at all that I thought of going this far, until my little darling wanted to read more of my titles everyday. I still remember she said, "I want to read your blog every single day as long as I live." That really spurred me. With her words, I had written more than 400 titles since started. I just could not believe, inspiration is the wander of mankind. Her inspiration has expanded my mind. I have many readers who read my simple sharing everyday too.

My little darling was surprised there was no article written for the last few days here. She knew I was upset and sorrowful. She sat down with me and gave me encouragement again. Her last statement, "Darling! Please continue to write your blog coz, I know is your passion to share. I love you as what you are." These few words spur me again. And here I am to continue writing to the world to read. Everyone needs inspiration and motivation. Including me as well.

Specially to the lady who inspires me, "You are a person who makes a difference by doing things at the right time that will make the difference in other people to make a difference."

Thursday, July 10, 2008

You can't be pleasing everybody!

"I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can you the formula for failure - which is: Try to please everybody." Spoken by Herbert Bayard Swope.

His words are true. Today I had an opportunity to speak to two ladies who never know how to say 'no' to people. One is my secretary who has been working with me for more than fifteen years. With her years of working, she practically knows all the procedures and work in our office. She is a kind hearted and friendly person. Most agents and staffs seek her assistance whenever they needed it. However lately, I realised she is understress and not efficient as she used to be. A lot of my works were undone and incomplete. On checking with her, she was frank to tell me that she is over loaded with tasks and assignments which were not given by me but by outsiders. Although she was busy, she still accepted requests and extra works from those who came to ask favour from her. She is a 'yes' lady who did not know how to say a 'no' instead.

Another closed associate lady agent has the similar problems like the above. She too has fifteen years in the business. She is a warm and sincere person. Her heart is caring and always ready to push the extra miles for others. She is a good daughter to her aged parents and have to be a responsible mother to a growing teenage daughter. She serves actively with the church and attends all necessary classes and training. As she has a true heart and being a likable lady, many clients, friends, colleagues or even unknown love seeing her. Most of the time, they asked for attention and help for personal problems and related matters. She will never say 'no'. Lately I understand her business is very much affected. Her face looks tired and depressed. She practically has no more time to rest and relax. She don't even know how to distress herself.

As these two ladies are important to me, I had to speak my mind to make them realised that everything has a limit. Saying 'yes' to offer help is nice, but we have to learn to say 'no', when we know we can't say 'yes' any longer. What they should have done is diplomatically say 'no' when you really do not have the time anymore. I sincere hope, these two ladies would take my advices coz I believe Herbert Bayard Swope's proverb cannot be wrong.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Daughter is sweeter.

Most typical Chinese always love to have son in the family. Including myself, especially when I became a young father 37 years ago. With so much of confidence, I was born with three sons, two married and one still having fun with his young life. However as I grew and became wiser, I observed daughter is better than son. Girls tend to be more caring and loving than boys. Girls are tender and sweet. Boys are rough and playful. Sons are more closer to the mother. Whereas daughters like father more. Now that two of my sons are married, they are more closer to their wives and their in laws. I felt they are married away, when they should be married inward to us. Not like the old days, when sons were responsible to the parents. Today, parents are responsible to the sons in most ways. Taking care of their well being, right up till they are married or further. Not the daughters. Today, I am so proud of my two daughter in laws, who still care for their parents. They make sure financially and physically, the parents are well supported. Not the sons who take things for granted. I regretted for not having daughter earlier in lives. I should have try harder!!

Although I don't have a daughter but out of my desperation, God sent me one recently. I have been knowing and watching a little darling who is only thirteen years young. She looks older than her age because she speaks well. She is sweet, intelligence, confidence and well manner. She loves reading. Given a chance to buy toys & games, she prefers books. She spends more time in the libraries or bookshops than in movies. Although she looks simple, she learns self defence, singing, dancing and music. Everyone in her family adores her because she is obedience and loving. All her credits she be given to her mother who had taught her right in the first place. With the permission from her mum, she allowed me to love her. Last Sunday, I bought her a little ring. I proposed to her, "My dear, can I be your God father? I promise to like and love you as my own daughter. To care and guide you. To make sure you are happy and joyful. To protect and be responsible to you in every way. To see you grow and be successful, will be my dream." She was shy and timid. With some encouragement from her mother, she replied, "Yes! I will be your God Daughter. Thank you God dad. I love you."

Those last few words were sensational. This bonding is like a gift to me. How true is this statement - "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen and even touched. They must be felt with the heart."

To my little darling, "Thank you for being my God daughter. I love you too."

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Like & enjoy could be two different things.

Do you like your job or do you enjoy your work? Personally I think those who like their jobs without enjoying their work, might eventually not like it later. Take my insurance industry as an example. Many who came into the life insurance selling, were promised the rewarding career. They like the lucrative income, the incentive oversea trips, the competition challenges and the recognition awards. These tempting benefits are likable to every new recruits. On the hand, they never learn to enjoy the work. To enjoy the work, they have to like meeting people in the first place. While meeting people, they have to be honest to themselves. Do you like to understand people, to solve people problems, to help when necessary even without closing sales, to go the extra miles just to make others happy, to share their sorrow and joy, to make sure all claims are delivered and promise you will always be in this career forever. If you don't enjoy the above, most likely you would not like the job.

My past experiences tell me, if an agent never learn to enjoy to like his job, his chances to remain permanently could be very slim. Should an agent enjoys his work, I am sure he would like to stay on forever with it. In any profession and business, I think this principle applies. Learn to enjoy whatever you do and you will like it definitely. Including love and romance. If I had not learned to enjoy the companionship with my little darling, I won't have like and love her so much today. Many romances failed because they thought they like and love each other at the beginning. Time will tell when they don't enjoy their companionship. Learn to enjoy love and you will like love and romance more.

Conclusion - "Like alone may not lead to enjoying. Enjoying will make you like."

Monday, July 07, 2008

Afraid to lose my love.

"All my life I was afraid that I would never find love....and now that I've found it, I 'm afraid that I will lose it." This statement can be applied to many or even to you readers if you are in love now. I think when one is too deeply in love, our emotion can be over possessive at times. You can also be selfish in thought, trying to control your love without realising, you can actually hurt the other party. Perhaps you might not want to reveal your inner intention, afraid and shameful to tell about these weaknesses. I believe very few could honestly claim that they trust love, coz saying it and doing it are two different things. Meaning you can say, you trust and understand your love, but deep down your mind and heart, I guess you still have a little bit of fear which others can't see and feel. Nobody in this world is perfect. So! As long as you try to love whole heartily, don't be afraid you will lose your love. After all our mind sometimes can play dirty with ourselves.

This can happen again. "When two friends fall in love, they learn they are meant for each other. When they fell out of love, they realise they want to keep each other forever." Possessiveness and selfishness are the evil of such distrust. If you can, avoid them!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Need you or love you!

This is one statement which will confuse many lovers. "I Love you not because I need you, BUT, I need you because I love you." To a true gentleman who loves his lady for not just lust and desire, he can claim this as sincere; "I love you not because I need you." His love for her is from the heart, to care for her, to protect her, to give her affection, to make her happy, and to love her whole heartily. To the lady who falls for his love, she has to say, "I need you because I love you." Haven't seen him for awhile, she bounds to miss chatting with him, misses his touch, misses his body, misses his cuddle, misses his smell and misses everything from him. She is sad because she needs him. This is love!

Sometimes we wonder whether we need each other or we love each other. You have to find out yourself. I strongly believe we have to prove our love before we could need our love. One thing for sure, "I will never love a love that loves and I will never hurt a love that loves."

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Accident can happen in our home.

Fam had 8 stitches on his forehead and lost one of his front tooth, while going to his toilet in the middle of the night. Prior to his call of nature, he had a muscle cram on his left leg while sleeping. With his muscle pain, he walked to the attached bathroom without the light on. Upon reaching the toilet bow, he had a black-out and accidentally fell onto the bow cover. As Fam is a bachelor, he was knocked unconscious and was bleeding with a deep cut, without anyone to assist him. When he awoke later, he was shocked and surprised, he was lying on the floor rather than on his bed.

Yes! This can happen any time to us. The safest place is the home and yet could be the most dangerous place too. The reason could be simply, we assume the home is a place without danger where its a paradise to us. Fam case was a recent domestic accident but I had countless serious home accidents which I had encounted.

Another interesting case. Muljit slipped from her first floor stairway to the lower ground. The maid had cleaned the entire floor so well. It was shinning and was slippery. She skied all the way down with legs first. Upon reaching the lower floor, her entire body crushed against the wall. The impact was so great, she broke one of her leg and fracture her spine. She had to go for several surgery corrections before she could walk properly again. Her medical cost was a bomb.

Another one to laugh! Mazura was cooking at home. She saw her cat leaping towards their dinning table where food were laid. Spontaneously she turned to chase her away. As she was moving, without her realising, her sarong slipped and loosen. Accidently she stepped upon the lower part of her sarong. She lost her control due to the fast twist and turn of her body movement. Her fall was a painful one because she broke her left arm and right leg. An accident she did not want.

I could give you more cases. The fact is, accident can happen in your home. Don't take for granted but be careful at all times when you are back in your house. My above three clients were lucky. Because non needed to pay for the high medical charges incurred. I took care of them because they have been strong believers in life insurance.

Remember my belief - "Take life insurance when you don't need it coz when you need it, you can't buy."

Friday, July 04, 2008

Birds & bees came into my life.

My home has been very quiet since my children have migrated. Not like before when the place was like a war zone with all my grand children around. Lately I had countless uninvited guests and I was happy that they came. Although my house was just a simple linked house with a small garden, birds and bees surprisingly make home here. Perhaps they want to accompany me.

Two little blue and white colour birds, make their nest just in front my front door, where I have many potted plants. Later two eggs were laid, hatched and their family is now of four. I could see the dad and mum are taking turns to feed their young chicks. They are a very happy family without doubt. I never see them quarrel, yell or shout. The male is very protective and he looks very faithful to his mate. How I wish, man and woman can live like them! They don't have greed, hate and sadness. Their love for each other is strong and bonded till death. Mankind is considered as smarter and yet we can't have the heart of the birds which is so pure and sincere.

Further out in the garden, those bees have built a sizable nest. They started small in number but gradually they increase by the days. I was lucky, they did not sting me even when I was moving around their nest. I believe they have senses as well, knowing I am the master of the house and they are only my guests. With a little knowledge I learned when I was younger, bees are like an army who survives with a purpose. They come in different status and ranking. Each has a role to play, in order to protect their colony. Their colony is ruled by a queen. All bees are prepared to protect and to die for their queen, in the event if they are being attacked. Their team work is marvellous and their planning is systematic. If only our world could live like the bees, there will be more peace and harmony all round.

They used to claim that 'bird & bee' are related to love and sex. I wonder why they came together into my life at this moment of time. Are they telling me that I should love more and continue to have more sex too. Please someone tell me.

Food of the thought -"Live, Laughter & Love. Live happily! Laugh a lot! Love more."

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Every day is an exciting & happy day.

This afternoon I called my secretary, Fizah, "Hi my dear, how is this morning?" Her voice was a bit soft, "Boss! Is too quiet today". I was quick to respond, "Hey! How could it be dear? There is no such thing as a quiet day. Unless you wanted it to be quiet!"

Is true! There is no such day as a quiet day for me, unless I am sick or upset. Whether is a quiet day, or exciting day or even a happy day, is actually up to the individual to decide. It might be a quiet day for Fizah, but she can turn it to be a busy day. If only she is prepared to look for the extra work in the office. I don't go into the office everyday, I trust my secretary who is capable to man the place herself. It might be an uneventful day, when not many agents called. However if she wanted it to be exciting a day, she should have called others rather than to wait for the calls. She can always take the initiative or proactive to disturb others. When I said disturbing, it means to create fun out of our work. Along the way, perhaps she could make others happy and I am sure the day would turn to be a happy day at the end.

Most people get bore with their work because they do not know how to have fun out of their job. Don't take our work too seriously. How uninteresting is your work, I am sure there is still a spot where you can energize yourself. The only different between a happy person and an unhappy one is, a happy person don't wait for others to make him happy. Instead he makes others happy first. Whereas the unhappy one, always wait for happiness to come by itself. It applies to excitement and amusement too. It works very well with me coz I have proven myself that I don't wait for my little darling's love to come. Rather I approached her first and later I got all my happiness and excitement. Ask her, she would tell you that this is definitely true.

The happiness definition by Robert G. Ingersoil - "Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so."

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

We have forgotten our roots.

I was entertaining my guests at my usual club. My favorite restaurant is the coffee house where most waiters always served me with smiles. Lately they have taken in many foreign workers mainly from Bangladesh. Surprisingly within a very short span of time, they could also communicate with us in our local languages. I am sad to see our local boys and girls do not work as hard and as efficient as them. I could see the different in their working habits. The locals talk more than they work. The Bangladeshi move faster and more alert. They never complain and are prepared to go the extra miles to serve. More so they are fitter, stronger and obedience. They work differently because they are proud of what they are doing. Not the locals who have self esteem and pride.

As our nation is progressing, we have forgotten our roots. When we were poorer, we were humble and simple. Now that we are slightly richer, we are arrogance and stubborn. As we are advancing to be a fully develop nation, we need to have the right positive attitude in our people. Otherwise the suffers will still be us again.

Just imagine, I wanted to tip the Bangladeshi who served me with delight, yet he politely told me, he could work happily without the extra tips. He explained that the bill had already included with the service charges and it was his duty to serve. I was so touched with his friendly statement. How I wish our people could be the same.

Food for the thought - "In order to do what really matters to you, you have to, first of all, know what really matters to you" - Dr Ed Hallowell

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Please Take Care of Me!

Is easy to fall in love. Is also easy for man to say 'I Love You' to his lady. However is not so easy for woman to fall in love. Ladies are sensitive lovers. They tend to be more mature than men. Before a sensible female picks her mate, she often observes, communicates and understands her partner first. A man confesses his intimate love to his new found lover. In return she asks, "Please Take Care of Me!"

Those few words sound simple and direct but if you are an immature man, you might take it very lightly without realising the real implication. It took me a long time to understand as well. Perhaps I was a lousy lover who had to learn the hard way. Let me share a little with the wisdom of love here.

"Please Take Care of Me!" is meant to be very serious when spoken by a female. She has to be in love intimately before she could utter to her man. She is telling her mate that she loves him and expects him to care for her from now onwards. She expects him to take care of her personal interest. Protect her whenever is necessary. Guide and lead her to the right path of life. Fulfill her dreams and goals by constantly providing motivation and advices. When she is down or upset, tickle her with fun and laughter. Offer her financial support if needed. Care and heal her when she is sick. Give her the sense of security when she is with you. Let her feel proud with your intelligence. In physical and in soul she must be happy with her man.

Gentleman, if you are not sure, please don't simply say "I love you" to any lady. Because if she turns around to say "Please Take Care of Me!", you might find it difficult to shoulder these unwanted burdens. However to my little darling I darn to say, "I will take care of you".

Food for the heart - "Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve" - Martin Luther King