Friday, February 11, 2011

Bringing up children.....

On the eve of the recent Chinese New Year, over our family reunion dinner, i had an opportunity to meet all my three sons together with their families.

Yes! They are my sons but today i treat them more like friends and buddies. I was frank to tell them that i could have been a better father when they were still young. But the fact was nobody had taught me to be a good or a perfect dad then. There was no class or school to teach how to be effective parents. My adopted parents passed away when i was still at the teen and my parents in law were the old fashion type.

All my sons had experienced my canning and scolding. Though i loved them in the heart, i wasn't brave to reveal my love for them. Sometimes when i came home late, i might peep into their rooms to see whether they were sleeping well. I was firm and seldom entertained to their requests. In parenting, i was actually learning the 'trial & error' way. Looking back i was unconsciously applying threat, incentives and love over my children.

Though i had made many mistakes as a young father those days, i personally would not like my children to follow the wrong footsteps like me. Encouraging my sons, i advised them to use these application of Threat, Incentives and Love for parenting their own children. Love alone isn't enough. Perhaps incentives could motivate or if both incentives and love don't work, never be afraid to use the cane as well. These applications could work more effectively when they are applied consciously towards the growing children.

I like this quote
-"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself" ~Joyce Maynard

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