Thursday, April 21, 2011

Too possessive in love is wrong.

Lady friend said "My relationship with my boyfriend is very stressful because he is too possessive a man".

What about you? Is it wrong to be possessive in love??? Big Question right?

My personal perception is... When a man is trying to be possessive or trying to control his love partner, the following are the few reasons I guess could have occurred.

The man is an immature person, having no experience in loving another person. This happened most of the the time when a young couple has just fallen in love with each other. To him, love is to control and to possess. Only later when she breaks up their relationship might he realises that by controlling and possessing is a wrongful way to love.

Or perhaps the man lacks personal confidence in himself and has inferiority complex which might lead him to be over possessive. When he is weak in financial and low in knowledge, the level of personal confidence drops. An unpleasant personality could also affect his inferiority complex. These weaknesses cause him to be possessive and insecure, afraid that he might lose out to other men who have better qualities than him. To him, loving his girlfriend is to control her movement.

The remedies to overcome this defect of love is to understand what is love. It took me a long time to master the beauty of love. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I wish my lady friend could share this piece of note to her beloved man who might consider to change his understanding of loving his partner. Win your love by loving a person from the heart and not by the demanding and possessive mind.


Nescafe girl said...

Great timing... I like!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi - I am definitely delighted to discover this. cool job!

Robert Foo said...

Hi My dear Nescafe girl,

Specially written for you. Mistakes are our teachers...please remember that.

cherrylej said...

too much of something is bad and i agree, we need to learn to trust our partner in order to love completely :)

Robert Foo said...

Hi Cherry,

Your husband is a very lucky man to have fallen in love with you.

R said...

Hi Robert,

I dunno if it was accidental that i read this post now. My relation is in trouble and its bcoz of me. i was too much possessive on her. but gradually she made me realize that it was bad. i changed a bit. but whenever we get to spend less time, my possessive attitude comes out and because of that, i hurt her a lot.

i totally don't like this. i don't want to hurt her.
i want her to be happy always. so i am thinking of breaking up and letting her feel free.

is this decision of mine correct.

Robert Foo said...

Hi R,

Perhaps it was The Almighty Universe that brought you to come over to my blog.

Most of the information are written here. If you could understand the contents,and are prepared to change and follow the advices recommended, I'm sure you would be a better lover. Otherwise remain as good friends to each other first. You need not break up as friend.

Thank you for reading my blog.

suman said...

I have the same problem like "R".
but the only difference is that my lover left me because of my over possessiveness..she dont want to stay with me anymore. frankly speaking i am having lack of confidence. i can go any extent to rectify myself.but i dont want to loose her. in our last conversation she told me that until & unless she feels love for me, she will not come back again... she is my kohinoor diamond i dont want to loose her... please help me.

Robert Foo said...

Hi Suman,

Young lovers normally behave this way. It takes time before they learn. It's good that you should treat her like a friend first. Meanwhile both of you should give each other the freedom to mix freely with others. By experiencing and knowing more friends, you would understand yourself better. Just like you have to study many years in education before you could gain the degree. Right? So! Don't be disheartened. Go out, move on and see the world outside. If only you could smile again, would your sweetheart loves you again. Good luck to you. And thank you for reading my blog.

suman said...

thanks robert...but she doesnt want to talk to me how can i realise her that i really want to rectify myself???

Robert Foo said...

Hi Suman,

Love has patient. Love is kind. It doesn't envy, it doesn't boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Do you have these ingredients of love? Otherwise learn and practise to have them. It takes time and understanding to develop to be a matured lover. Good luck Suman.

Robert Foo said...

Hi Suman,

Please read today's posting too. The title is "Too possessive in love is wrong.. Part 2."

suman said...

gd afternoon Mr. Robert.....
I want to tell u some thing which i suddenly came to know that she broke up wid me because she wants to leave luxurious facebook some guy told "love u" repeatedly & i told my lover that tell that guy not to tell like this...& she doesnt bother my words...she wants to go to late night movie with those guys...these r the main reason to get possessive to her....

Robert Foo said...

Hi Suman,

Advices and concern is a better way to help your girl. Controlling a person tends to be over possessive. Coz love has tolerance and a lot of understanding. Keep trying young man. And good luck to you.