Thursday, June 28, 2012

Good Parenting....

Two of my grandsons are not in talking term. Bryan is 12 and Barry is 8. Bryan being the elder brother seemed bossy, were using his authority to control Barry. Raising his voice and throwing his temper, he found hard to overrule the smart and witty younger brother.

Since they are staying afar from me, I had to talk to Bryan on the phone. I asked him whether he likes his father to scold him or he prefers his dad to talk nicely with him when he faces problems at home. Bryan said he prefers the father to use a softer language. 

I related this true story to Bryan. When my children were young, I only knew how to punish them by the cane. Out of the three common ways (Threat, Incentives & The Heart) to teach my children, I only applied threat all the time. Not doing well in studies, cane. Caught playing outside, cane. Caught watching TV and not doing homework, cane again. Very few incentives were given and though love was in my heart for them, I didn't show it to them. I thought the best way was the big cane cause I was also brought up by the same cane from my adopted parents. There were no motivation and inspiration given and later when I became father myself, I too didn't know how to use them either. So! Now that my children became father themselves, they applied the same method which I was treating them too. Yes! It's tit for tat! And I really regretted it.

I continued to explain... Given a chance to start life again, which I know it's not possible, I would rather apply Incentives and The heart to spur and pep my young sons. I should have spoken softly and gently with emotion to inspire them to study harder. I should have win their heart with my caring heart as well and not just the cane to frighten them. 

Bryan, please do me a favour. If you want your father to change, please don't just scold and shout at your younger brother. I'm sure Barry won't like this arrogance approach too. Try to speak softly when you need his help, and when he is making a wrong, explain nicely with him. If you could make Barry likes you without threat, I will consider you as a winner for the family. By doing so, your father would be impressed with your character and manner. Perhaps he too might change his way of interacting with you guys at home. Though I had failed to be an understanding father but it's not too late to be the most likeable grandfather who understands now. 

People Quotes on Parenting
“The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, "If you will take care of me, I will take care of you." Now I say, "I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me" Jim Rohn

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