Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Older men are more likable.

Young man asked, "Why younger women fall for older men?" Older man replied, "Coz younger men do not know how to appreciate women as much as us. They hurt women more than they should love them."

Young man was doubtful and his eyes blinked with curiosity. In order to clear his confusion, let me illustrate a partially true story. Janet was only seven when she was given to the grand parents to look after, while her parents needed to work. A sex maniac uncle molested her from time to time. Nobody was aware and the poor little girl was afraid to report to her parents. It casted a fearful shadow over her for the rest of her life. When she was in high school, a boy friend forcibly raped her without her consent. It was another black shadow for her. She managed to get marry before turning 30, thinking a family life was the ideal way to go around. Luck was not there for poor Janet either. The jealous husband did little to love and care for her. After her birth to a baby girl, she was separated from the husband. Alone she had to work and fend for herself and the daughter. For the next couple of years, she met three different men who claimed to love her dearly. Regrettably all turned out to be playful and irresponsible wolves, who were just there to take advantage of this broken hearted Janet. Enough is enough! The sorrow and frustration almost torn Janet apart. It took her many months and years to rebuild her inner strength and mind. The deep wound inflicted in her heart, made her a stronger lady of today. She is a smarter, independence, aggressive and no nonsense lady now. She could smell the naughtiness of any approachable men who had bad intention on her. She had lost hope and desire for man. She did not trust men any longer. She was afraid to fall in love again.

One fine day after many years had passed, Janet by fate met a much older man who spoke the language of love. Love has magic which touched her heart once more. She told this man.."Darling, no one had pampered me like how you do...no one had been so genuine like how you treat me... no one had been so sincere like you who care for me so much... no one had spoken so truthfully from the heart like you do... and most importantly no one had loved me like how you love me with so much of passion... just want to say I love you." Thanks God! Janet is in love again. Not with a younger man of course. They were given the chances but they took her for granted. The older man heals her love frustration and distrust, and allowing her to feel wanted and accepted in love again. Younger men cause miseries and sorrow. Whereas older men bring joy and happiness.

Food for the thought -"Love is often nothing but a favorable exchange between two people who get the most of what they can expect, considering their value on the personality market." - Erich Fromm


Anonymous said...

Two young girls, two different life styles.
This story is based on my experiences and observations of two families, one a middle class family, financially well off.
And the other, a total opposite...a poor rubber tapper family.

Note: This just my observations of two different families I knew and circumstances I happen to experience at about the same time.
This posting is in no way reflective, suggestive nor representative of the many good families I know, past and present with well balanced, well mannered and wonderful daughters, children.

Circa 1960's-70's. Location: One family living in a big city and other family, a rubber estate somewhere in central region.

A rubber tapper's home.

One of my favorite pastimes to relax from my travels and work was going fishing or having poker games at either my house or friend's homes on weekends.
We only play very small stakes, max 50 cents, win or lose at most $20. This way nobody gets hurt, but more enjoying being together shooting the breeze, enjoying drinks and having laughs.

Big city family.
My friend Leong has a big home with a Mercedes and his wife's Volvo parked in the driveway. They have two maids, one for housework and cooking, one to care for their only child, a 11 year old girl, very pretty with her mother's good looks.

Being an only child, both Leong and his wife adored their daughter Alana, and no expense was spared towards her well being and happiness.
Her bedroom was larger than most children's room, fully air conditioned, bathroom attached and enough toys, dolls, Teddy bears to open a store.

There were toys and shoes everywhere. She would get a new toy, and less than an hour lose interest and it is parked lost among all the others.
I gave her a JigSaw puzzle, she opened the box, and kept it. I don't think she tried it.
She had her own TV in her bedroom as well a telephone.

Alana somehow took her parent's love for her as a weakness and bullied them, her maid too, quite often throwing tantrums if not getting what she wants.
She was always grumbling or upset at something and blaming her maid, even scolding her too.
Her parents are real wonderful people but their adoration for her failed to see or notice her behaviour becoming irritating as well embarrassing at times when they have visitors at home.

Even though she was taught to greet people who come by, she would look at us like we made of transparent glass, never saying anything, at most a stare, and would interrupt her mother or father when they talking. Or pull one of them away in the midst of a conversation. She would sometimes play her piano loud while her parents chatting with us.
The mother or father would laugh.

They would give way to her every time, blinded to the path she was taking. She would tell us what she wants for a birthday present. When coming to our homes, she never greets us, but will switch on the TV, plunk herself on the settee and only drinks Coca Cola.
To sum up the above, she was spoilt rotten, big time.

She never did very well in school too, and growing into her teens, mixed with the wrong crowd, smoking by age 15, drinking heavy stuff, swears like a sailor and barely scrapping by her Form 5 exams.
It was parties, dancing, discos, coming home weekends, even school days after the cock crows twice.
She had no interest in going for further studies and concluded her education at Form 5.

For her 18th birthday she received a Mini Cooper as a birthday present from her parents. She was now working in an office as a stenographer and having fun with several boyfriends, she now a very pretty girl.
Needless to say her parents felt disappointed but hiding their disappointment from her when they hear or learn their friend's children graduating from Universities locally and abroad and doing well in their new careers.

Central Malaysia. A Rubber tapping family.
It was one early morning while driving thru an estate road to a project site I was involved in, I noticed a very young girl not more than 12 years old tapping a rubber tree. She was alone. I waved, she waving back.

That evening my contractor invited me to join him for coffee at the estate's small wooden coffee shop where nearby there were several old, wooden homes with rusty zinc and attap roofs.
Those days it was called, 'Coolie lines'...where estate workers lived.

While sitting on three legged wooden stools sipping our coffee and discussing about the project, a man walked in to buy some cigarettes.
My contractor recognizing him invited he join us and introducing him to me, saying he was a good friend. We chatted, I learning he was a rubber tapper. He I guess in his late thirties, a very pleasant and soft spoken man.

His name was Ah Lek and learning I was from out of town and returning home after coffee invited us to his house for a simple dinner joking his wife a good cook and makes good 'kai fun,' or chicken rice.
My contractor looked at me, I saying, 'why not? Saves me stopping and eating on the way home later'.

Ah Lek then cycled home to inform his wife they had guests for dinner.
I later driving my car to Ah Lek's house down the road. It was a very small house with zinc roof and two rooms, hardened earthen floor and a communal bathroom and lavatories behind the house. Some chickens scratching the earth nearby.

Sitting outside at a small wooden table sipping Chinese tea while waiting for his wife to finish cooking, I noticed the same young girl I had seen in the morning tapping rubber trees.
She greeting us with a cute smile addressing me politely in English, "hello uncle, I pour tea for you"?
I smiled nodding, "thank you", learning her name was Mee Jin, a precocious, intelligent girl. She helped to replenish our tea pot, pouring tea for us.

She was very fair and pretty with cute dimples, her hair short and straight trimmed at her forehead. I couldn't help noticing her patched pyjama pants and faded, old blouse and her torn rubber slippers.
She then went to play with her younger brother and sisters who were all barefooted. Their clothes all had small patches. I guessed the family living on the border line being rubber tappers.

She was teaching her younger brother, about 9 years old how to push an old, rusty bicycle rim with a stick. They laughing as I watched. Her two younger sisters, about 5 and 7 years old sitting on the wooden steps playing with a cheap plastic doll with one hand missing. I did not notice any other toys around.

I mentioned to Ah Lek I had seen her in the morning tapping a tree. I then learned from Ah Lek Mee Jin wakes up at 4.30am, then joins him and the mother to tap rubber trees at the estate nearby at 5am. Mee Jin will return home at 6.30, and then leaves for school, a small estate Chinese school nearby, and where she also learns English.

After school she will return to the rubber trees to collect the latex in a pail and bring it for processing into rubber sheets at a nearby open shed shared by the tappers.
She will help look after her brother and sisters, as well help her mother to cook. And will study, do her homework after dinner.

While having dinner in their small living room, I couldn't help but notice Mee Jin helping her mother to serve the food to us, and pouring tea, and while we ate joined by her mother, she and her brother sitting on small stools nearby having their food.

She same time feeding her two younger sisters squatting beside her, telling them not to make any noise as they having visitors.
All four kids eating very quietly. She later helped her mother to do the dishes. I could see Ah Lek and his wife adore their four children.

Finishing our dinner and sipping our Chinese tea served again by Mee Jin, and chatting with Ah Lek and my contractor, I noticed there were no toys around, but was surprised to see some old Straits Times and Malay Mail newspapers on a wooden box used as a small table.
Above the box pasted on the plank wall, was a newspaper cutting, a picture of a TV set.
Seeing some school exercise books and a pencil, I guess Mee Jin does her homework there.

Knowing Ah Lek and his wife not educated I enquired who read the newspapers? He laughed saying the papers were a few weeks old discarded ones he had picked up when in town for Mee Jin to read, saying she loves to look at the pictures and read the papers.
I glanced around and did not see any English books anywhere. He telling me she doing very well in school.

I suddenly remembered I had bought The Straits Times papers in the morning but had no time to read it. I called Mee Jin, telling her to go to my car and get the Straits Times, that she can have it saying I had already read it.
She returned a few minutes later thanking me for the newspaper and saying, "uncle, your car so nice, I like very much".

Sitting there on three legged rickety, wooden stools with the only table in the house and chatting, I noticed the children's room opposite me. There was no door, their bed just a low wooden platform, and seeing several rolled up palm leaf mats. Inside a small lighted kerosene lamp.

Witnessing all these really touched me, my mind thinking of the money I spend on entertaining business clients, expensive dinners, expensive presents as well buying girlfriends expensive bouquets of flowers.

I later thanked Ah Lek and his wife for their delicious chicken rice dinner and saying goodbye to Mee Jin, who together with her parents followed us outside.
I discreetly took out $10 folding it and calling Mee Jin put it in her hand, "Mee Jin, you tomorrow buy sweets and anything you like for yourself, your brother and sisters, okay"?

She giving me a beautiful smile, "thank you, uncle...I buy for them and newspaper also". She then telling her mother what I had given her. Ah Lek and her thanking me.

On my next visit to the project site, I remembered Mee Jin. After breakfast in town I popped over to a nearby newspaper stall buying both the Straits Times and Malay Mail.
Then seeing on display The National Geographic magazine, took it.
Glancing around seeing several Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, Superman comics, I told the man to give me a dozen of the different editions.

Then remembering a bookstore I frequent fairly often close by, drove over. I found what I wanted, books I had read when a young boy, Robinson Crusoe, Rupert the Bear and Treasure Island. I bought all three.
I then remembered about the doll with one arm missing. I drove around and found a shop selling toys and bought two cute dolls with dresses to dress them up as well a Meccano set.

Finishing my worksite meeting and discussions with my contractor late afternoon, and knowing Mee Jin won't be home till 5pm, I had coffee with my contractor, then saying I better leave for home, three hours away.
On the way out, I stopped at Ah Lek's house.

Mee Jin was outside playing with her brother and sisters. They squatting on the hard earth ground playing the game of '5 pickup stones'...throwing one stone up and picking up one as well catching the other.
Ah Lek hearing my car came out greeting me.

I called Mee Jin, her brother and two sisters to my car and presented them each with the dolls and the brother the Meccano set and to Mee Jin, the newspapers, comics and story books telling her, "Mee Jin, these books are for you...they are good books to read, and the comics for all of you".

The children's surprised excited looks and laughter suddenly receiving presents they never seen before on all their faces would remain with me for years.
I will never forget the excited faces, the exclaimations coming from the two young girls when they opened their gift wrapped boxes and saw they each had a doll, a fairly big one too.

The mother on hearing her children's excited squeals of laughter came out. I told Ah Lek and her, "just some things for your children I got in town".
Both of them thanking me profusely while their children showing them excitedly the dolls and Meccano set, comics and books. I had never before seen children so excited in my life feeling quite emotional about it.

To see them not throwing the wrapping paper aside, but instead folding them neatly to be kept, maybe to be used later in their own imaginations as something useful, to see them admiring, cuddling, looking at the dolls, books and Meccano set unable to believe it was theirs, their excited gigglings and talking excitedly among themselves made me turn away pretending to look for a fresh pack of cigarettes in my car, to hide my moist eyes.

And, seeing them looking at me saying in Chinese and English, "thank you, uncle", made my day. I will never forget a 5 year old girl cuddling her doll saying, 'thank you' to me.

Ah Lek shaking my hand thanking me, "Mr Lee, we don't know how to repay or thank you. But thank you very much". I offering him a cigarette as well lighting one myself to calm my emotions said, "yes, you can repay me, ask your wife to cook her delicious chicken rice again and invite me for dinner".

He laughed saying in Cantonese, "yes...yes, you very welcome here anytime, you come back again", his wife assuring me she will make the chicken rice for me enquiring when my next trip back.

I shook hands with Mee Jin telling her, "you study hard, Mee Jin". She giving me a beautiful smile, "thank you very much for the story books, uncle...yes, I will study hard, goodbye uncle, please come again". "I will, Mee Jin".

The months passed by, I seeing Ah Lek on and off having coffee or dinner at his house, bringing newspapers and comics every trip for the kids.
One evening having dinner with Ah Lek and his wife, I noticed on a shelve, the doll with the missing hand beside the two dolls I had given them.
When the project ended, I said goodbye to them saying I'll drop by when passing thru.

I would drop by their house several times the next few years, Mee Jin now enrolled at an English school in the nearby town. She a young lovely teenage girl. Ah Lek now an estate supervisor.
They had renovated their house to three rooms and with an indoor bathroom and toilet.
On a table, a small black and white TV set.

I later lost contact with them several years till one day meeting the contractor friend. I enquired about Ah Lek's family and Mee Jin.
"Mr Lee, Mee Jin finished University two years ago, she now working as accountant in big company in Singapore".

I had learned life's lessons from a young girl with the beautiful name of Mee Jin. Life is a long lesson in humility.

Robert Foo said...

Hi Lee...

U made me cry while reading your emotional story.

I always believe..Happiness is to make other happier and to succeed in life.

Lee...I am so proud of u...u truly had helped Mee Jin and her family to see the sunshine of the world. The little gifts and words might be a treasure to them. You had given them hope and inspiration.

You have a heart of richness and I am sure u will be blessed in folds. I am so lucky to have u as my reader or perhaps a friend as well.You have certainly touched my heart and I am sure you are a knowledgeable man with profound wisdom to share.

Thank you for reading my blog and giving so much of your meaningful stories.