Something interesting to share.....
Dear Robert,
How are you?
This is my 1st email to you. I am Wan, sometimes commented on your blog. Hope you could recall.
I enjoy reading your blog as I could learn a lot from your experience. It is very nice of you to share with all of us.
The reason I am writing to you is to seek your opinion and advice on a problem faced by my cousin.
He is getting married next couple of months. However, due to religious matters, they are unable to come to a conclusion.
The bride’s family is a strong believer in Christianity and that they forbids the bride and groom to carry out the tea-serving ceremony.
They believe that tea-serving ceremony is bad for the newly-wed couple.
As the tea-serving ceremony is a Chinese culture (not Buddhism), the grooms family insist to have the ceremony, especially the elderly are still around.
They suggested to serve Chocolate and flower in replacement of the tea. But I guess it would become a laughing stock later.
So, the grooms family agreed that their son should serve tea, while their daughter-in-law to-be will serve chocolate and flower.
However, the bride’s family insists that tea-serving ceremony should not be carried out. They even hinted that they will boycott the wedding ceremony if tea-ceremony is to be carried out.
Their unsolved matter really creates headache, not to the couple only, but also both families.
I see you as a man full of wisdom, and I would like hear your point of view.
What do you think, Robert?
Thanks, Robert.
Best regards,
Wan.
.............................................................................................................
My reply to Wan....
Hi Wan,
It was so nice of you to write to me, more so from a keen reader of my blog. Yes! I remember your name Wan, who had on several occasions commented beautifully on those titles. Just that, i thought Wan was a Malay because your full name in Chinese wasn' there.
Aha! You had an interesting problem over at your side. Thank you for sharing this story and allowing me to ponder my mind.
Wan, remember as long as human exist, there has to be problems and more. After all, man is created with feeling and emotion. You can't expect everyone on earth to think alike. However the wiser one, or the smarter one understands better than those who are not.
As far as your cousin and fiancee are concerned, they have to accept the fact..."getting marry is a challenge in life". As they move forward as man & wife, they have to shoulder and share all difficulties to make themselves happy. For the better and worst, they have to learn to love and help each other on the way. They should be glad that such unpleasant event is happening now. Getting marry is not just between the bride and the bridegroom. Is two families marrying together as well. Meaning, the groom has to marry the bride to understand the entire family of hers, and that applied to the bride too.
I can't imagine, how this couple could live happily together after marriage, when in the first place, they could not solve this little misunderstanding between their both families currently. The man has to be strong and brave, guiding and inspiring his mate. He has to be smart and loving, to understand the facts of life. My suggestion to them, first the man has to build his confidence to win his in laws' heart. Together with his fiancee, try to spend more time with her parents to understand them. Elderly people could be difficult to manage because they have pride and self esteem but with some soft and tender words, the future son in law might melt their heart. Meanwhile allowing the fiancee to soothe the heart of his parents also. It is advisable that the parents from both side should not meet, until the children could soften them. My belief, "Words motivate and words can heal, speak them through the heart. Love seldom fails".
Finally if for any reason, the above doesn't solve, ask the man how much he loves the lady. If their love is strong and unbreakable, then go ahead with the marriage without the consent from their parents. My another belief, "Live for yourself to be happy, and not be afraid of what others see in you".
The above is my own personal opinion. I wish this couple the best of luck.
Warmest regards,
Robert Foo.
..........................................................................................................................................................
Specially for this couple - "Love is not sweet talks and flowers, but love is forgiving and compromising."
Dear Robert,
How are you?
This is my 1st email to you. I am Wan, sometimes commented on your blog. Hope you could recall.
I enjoy reading your blog as I could learn a lot from your experience. It is very nice of you to share with all of us.
The reason I am writing to you is to seek your opinion and advice on a problem faced by my cousin.
He is getting married next couple of months. However, due to religious matters, they are unable to come to a conclusion.
The bride’s family is a strong believer in Christianity and that they forbids the bride and groom to carry out the tea-serving ceremony.
They believe that tea-serving ceremony is bad for the newly-wed couple.
As the tea-serving ceremony is a Chinese culture (not Buddhism), the grooms family insist to have the ceremony, especially the elderly are still around.
They suggested to serve Chocolate and flower in replacement of the tea. But I guess it would become a laughing stock later.
So, the grooms family agreed that their son should serve tea, while their daughter-in-law to-be will serve chocolate and flower.
However, the bride’s family insists that tea-serving ceremony should not be carried out. They even hinted that they will boycott the wedding ceremony if tea-ceremony is to be carried out.
Their unsolved matter really creates headache, not to the couple only, but also both families.
I see you as a man full of wisdom, and I would like hear your point of view.
What do you think, Robert?
Thanks, Robert.
Best regards,
Wan.
.............................................................................................................
My reply to Wan....
Hi Wan,
It was so nice of you to write to me, more so from a keen reader of my blog. Yes! I remember your name Wan, who had on several occasions commented beautifully on those titles. Just that, i thought Wan was a Malay because your full name in Chinese wasn' there.
Aha! You had an interesting problem over at your side. Thank you for sharing this story and allowing me to ponder my mind.
Wan, remember as long as human exist, there has to be problems and more. After all, man is created with feeling and emotion. You can't expect everyone on earth to think alike. However the wiser one, or the smarter one understands better than those who are not.
As far as your cousin and fiancee are concerned, they have to accept the fact..."getting marry is a challenge in life". As they move forward as man & wife, they have to shoulder and share all difficulties to make themselves happy. For the better and worst, they have to learn to love and help each other on the way. They should be glad that such unpleasant event is happening now. Getting marry is not just between the bride and the bridegroom. Is two families marrying together as well. Meaning, the groom has to marry the bride to understand the entire family of hers, and that applied to the bride too.
I can't imagine, how this couple could live happily together after marriage, when in the first place, they could not solve this little misunderstanding between their both families currently. The man has to be strong and brave, guiding and inspiring his mate. He has to be smart and loving, to understand the facts of life. My suggestion to them, first the man has to build his confidence to win his in laws' heart. Together with his fiancee, try to spend more time with her parents to understand them. Elderly people could be difficult to manage because they have pride and self esteem but with some soft and tender words, the future son in law might melt their heart. Meanwhile allowing the fiancee to soothe the heart of his parents also. It is advisable that the parents from both side should not meet, until the children could soften them. My belief, "Words motivate and words can heal, speak them through the heart. Love seldom fails".
Finally if for any reason, the above doesn't solve, ask the man how much he loves the lady. If their love is strong and unbreakable, then go ahead with the marriage without the consent from their parents. My another belief, "Live for yourself to be happy, and not be afraid of what others see in you".
The above is my own personal opinion. I wish this couple the best of luck.
Warmest regards,
Robert Foo.
..........................................................................................................................................................
Specially for this couple - "Love is not sweet talks and flowers, but love is forgiving and compromising."
1 comment:
This seriously answered my dilemma, thank you!
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