Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Yes or No can be harmful.

If friends were to borrow money from you, would you lend to them? I have been pondering whether it should be a yes or a no!

During the course of my work, I had been asked by many to render some financial assistance. I had lent money to friends from as little of RM100 to as many of thousand ringgits. Regret to say, they seldom came back to repay but instead I lost them as friends permanently. Is always good to help and assist but I learned to help by lending, it causes more harm than good.

Most of the time when those who came to relate their problems are mainly financial problem. Even they had solved their problems later, they took for granted that this friendly loan need not be repaid. Or those who could not solved their constraint, would also be too shy to come back to explain. At the end, all these friends disappeared to be no friend. Finally, for those whom I didn't lend in the first place, would also turn to be no friend as well.

This was what happened recently to me. A good friend, a so called as brother went missing for 20 years. I had lent some money to him 20 years ago for starting his business venture. For some reasons unknown to me, he disappeared and not to be heard, until I met him recently over a mutual friend's funeral. We were so happy to meet then, when he claimed that he could still remember my support. His children are already married but he no longer work or in business. He cried to tell me that he isn't healthy because he had just done a bypass recently. Listening his sorrow, I didn't utter a word of repayment to him but kept consoling his spirit.

Surprisingly a week later, he called again to ask for another favour. Requesting me to lend money to him for all his medical expenses. I didn't say a word but was patience to listen. Almost every day, he would text me to remind me that he was desperate for assistance from me. I was angry and annoyed with his approach but I was afraid to hurt his emotion because of his ill health.

Finally with gut felt feeling, I made up my mind by sending a text message to him. It was worded,"Brother, I felt so sorrowful with your present condition. I believe everyone has problem as long as we live. Some would like to reveal. Some do not. Even myself have problems. The only help I can render to you is my moral support and my prayer for you. I am sorry." Subsequently there was no further contact from him. I wonder whether he still treat me as friend.

I really would not know whether I had done the right or wrong. The facts of life are sometimes complicated and confusing. To say yes, you would lose a friend and to say no, you would also lose another friend. Perhaps I open to my readers who may offer some favourable comments.

A funny quote, "The more you know, the more you know that you do not know."


danielle said...

Maybe I'm being heartless. I just feel that if a person can hold grudges against people who are unable to lend them money to solve "their" own problem in the first place, are being not-fair-minded in the first place.

Jenny Lee said...

Money wise is a very sensitive issue. Like you said, because of it, we might lost them as a friend.

If you think you are capable to help somebody, go ahead but never to expect something in return.
If that person does not repay you, treat it as a donation. At least you know you have done a good deed!

I know you are a very kind hearted person, but sometime kindness can lead into disaster. So, before you lend any money out, be very sure of their reasons.

Deen said...

There are are 2 types of borrower: One who has the intention to pay back and the other to 'forget about it' once money is in hand.
The nastiest borrower of all are the ones who have the guts to ask for more but haven't paid back the old debt.

It normally starts with "will pay you back in 2 days" which will continue to become 1 week, 1month, etc.
If you ask them about the old debt, some may even scold you back.

I agree for some peoples, the best you can support them is morally..