Monday, July 14, 2008

What is Intimacy?


I was recommended by my little darling a book entitled 'Intimacy' written by Dr. Paul Coleman. Although I had read only the first chapter, it really stimulated my brain which I had never experienced before. I thought I knew what was intimacy but actually I did not, until this book enlightened me. I might as well take this opportunity to share with those who might be interested too.

Dr. Paul introduction laid to say, Love may be the heart of your most important relationships but intimacy is the soul. Intimacy is the energy center of how you relate to others and how they relate to you. Without intimacy, there is no meaningful togetherness.

According to Dr. Paul, intimacy is pure magic. When you experience it quietly with a friend, it fosters caring. When you experience it with a romantic partner, it generates something even more profound; growing love, passion, and devotion.

What is intimacy? Intimacy does not exist without a connection to someone. The connection can be brief, such as chatting with someone you never met before at a party (although simply chatting is not by itself an intimate act). Intimacy is not merely a feeling inside you. It is not about one person at all. It is about interaction and the magic that happens when two people give something of themselves to one another.

Intimacy can't be defined in a single sentence. It has many facets. Typically, when people think of intimacy they think about having sex or perhaps a very personal discussion. These are two ways that intimacy might occur but they are not the only ways. Haven't you ever had a close, intimate moment where no words were spoken? Where there was no sexual contact?

Whatever the intimate encounter might be, it must possess three qualities that render it truly intimate; connecting, caring and sharing. Let's look at those three factors more closely.

Connecting. This can be either a physical interaction or a soulful-emotional connection, such as feeling to someone who is far away.

Caring. Some form of love, compassion, or very positive feeling - often passionate - must be involved. If a person matters to you solely for the purpose of using them for a gain, that is not genuine caring.

Sharing. The connection is mutual. It is not one-sided or selfish. Even if you are alone and just thinking about the person you love, there is a sharing in that the person probably thinks tenderly about you, too.

Unless all three factors are present, there is no intimacy. Think about it for a moment.

When trying to figure out if intimacy is real or just a cheap imitation, remember that having contact doesn't mean you're connecting; talking isn't necessary sharing; and liking someone doesn't mean that you really care.

In this first chapter, I learned intimacy is part of life which is applicable to our day to day living. As long as we remember those three key factors; connecting, caring and sharing, we could intimately be happier with our families, friends or even strangers and business. In fact, I was unconsciously applying these key factors on selling of life insurance. Now that I understand the real meaning of intimacy, I certainly will sell more intimately with my clients for better result and satisfaction. Overall I will be a better intimate person as friends and lover.

I highly recommend to read this book under The Complete Idiot's Guide to Intimacy. Gregory J. P. Godek wrote, "Intimacy is not the same as love, sex, or romance - and Paul Coleman explains how they all work together, and why intimacy is the key to relationship success."

4 comments:

Hanafiah said...

I ll buy the book to improve my metaphysic level

Robert Foo said...

Hi Hanafiah...

I am sure you will benefit from it. Thank you for taking my advices.

Anonymous said...

Hi Young Man!
We as your blog readers are connected to you like a bunch of grapes. We are connected & interconnected. We called this connection Good Affinity.

As we share and learn through your blog, we care for one another.

So Readers! Do write a few lines to show that you care & share with
our Young Man!
From Young Kat

Robert Foo said...

Hi Young Kat....

Your comments had intimacy too. Thank you for them.